Ramblings…

I am supremely annoyed with myself that I did not think of taking today and tomorrow off as annual leave with the end result of having 9 days running holiday time… but I guess it is no use crying over spilt milk and that I must get through the next two supremely boring days at work without too much grumbling…

Only 5 more days on birth control!  I am excited, nervous, shaking with anticipation, nauseated, thrilled all at the same time – lets just hope that Aunty Flo plays along and visits me on Monday next week… then I strap myself in for the thrill ride of the month… *breathe* *in with the good out with the bad* *breathe* 🙂

We need to buy a carpet for our lounge, the only thing is that this means that we have to go shopping for said carpet.  Spot the mistake – I am totally NOT in the mood and as many of you know once my hubby has a bee in his bonnet he will not shut the hell up about it until said bee is well and truly killed with a  shotgun will not stop until mission is accomplished.  Any suggestions on good carpet buying places that will not cause us to go bankrupt? (saw a divine persian for only thirty eight thousand ront that I quite liked!!!)

My cousin the professional photographer has agreed to give me and a friend photography lessons in exchange for me giving his girlfriend ceramics lessons… good news no?  Except I am not 100% sure that I am AT ALL qualified to be giving anyone ceramics lessons…. Guess we’ll see how it goes once we start hey?

We’re having a nice picnic with mates at the Walter Sisulu Botanical Gardens on Thursday to celebrate Workers Day… Can’t wait!  Pray the sun shines – pics to follow on Friday (I hope)

Right, so actually need to get some work done, and need to get me some salt & vinegar popcorn, so later dudes and dudettes!

Break Thru Bleed

I only have 8 days left of down regulation left, I just cannot believe how quickly time is flying now that we are actually moving forward with IVF # 1.

I was just wondering though if anyone else experienced constant spotting and break through bleeds while on down regulation?  My doc is not concerned and feels that this is not going to effect the IVF process at all but I still have a little niggly feeling about it.  It is not heavy bleeding, just spotting and mostly when I wipe only (sorry TMI) but is still at the back of my mind freaking me out a bit…

Words of wisdome anyone?

Happy 4th Anniversary!

I cannot believe that 4 years of marriage have already flown past. 

It seems like just yesterday that we met at Rhapsody’s partying up a storm, and although I was attracted to your gorgeous face, I was adament that you were indeed an obnoxious a-hole who was raining on my parade.  It seems like just yesterday that you got got my number from a mutual friend and asked me out on a date.  It seems like just yesterday that I invited you to dinner while I was supposed to be working at a high class hotel…

It seems like just yesterday that you invited me to meet your family at our nephews birthday party, introduced me to your Mom and hightailed it to the jumping castle.  It seems like just yesterday that you ditched Bruce for me and we went on the most amazing train trip.  It seems like just yesterday that I called you in a druken stupor on my birthday to wish you well for the Comrades Marathon (I will always take blame for your not finishing that race). 

It seems like just yesterday that my Dad asked you what your intentions were with me and all the Curley girls left you up a creek without a paddle to get out of that one on your own.  It seems like just yesterday that I messed up our engagment by overindulging in food and wine, causing you to have to ask me to marry you at the bottom of our stairs at home. (And I still can not imagine a better proposal cos it was perfect!)  And it feels like just yesterday that I walked down that isle to pledge my life to you.

 

Thank you for 4 really amazing years filled with love, stubborness, arguements, standing by each other through this infertility battle, laughs, mock punch fights, holidays, fishing, drinking, taking care of each other, hugs and kisses.

I love you more each day and am SO grateful that God gave you to me.  Here’s to the next 40 odd years my love!

Baby Making Recipe 101

Ingredients:

• BCP x 21
• Clomid x 5
• Menopur – as required
• Cetrotide – as required
• Progesterone – as required
• Estrogen – as required
• Follicles / Eggs – aka in recipe as lumps
• Sperm – as much as possible – all healthy and strong swimmers

Method:

Take BCP pills for 21 days to down regulate ovaries and bring on AF.  Mix CD 2 scan and bloodwork together. Combine clomid into the mixture from CD 3 – 8 to gently stimulate quiet ovaries. Rescan on CD 9.  Fold in combination of menopur and cetrotride from day 9 – 14 with daily scans and bloodwork – mix methodically but do best to create good quality lumps. 

Dependant on the texture of the mixture and any lumps created, add addtional ingredients if necessary to thicken the batter.  Once batter is just right, remove any lumps from the liquid mixture.  Put lumps and sperm in a seperate dish and toast them for 3 days.  Transfer to ready heated oven for baking.  Fold in estrogen and progesterone to keep oven ready and heated. 

Extract blood from oven in 14 days time to confirm successful baking.

Voila!  That is the easy peasy, conservative, non overstimulating baby making recipe 101 for The Clam.

A Beautiful Cavity

Due to major network issues, I was not able to post this earlier after my appointment, but here is the update none the less 🙂 

I had my office hysteroscopy earlier on today and all seems to be well after the laparoscopy and hysteryscopy.  In fact the divine Dr V told me that I have a “beautiful cavity” (my heart went flippity flop at those words!!) My tubes and ovaries are good and my uterus looks like it is supposed to – beautiful and pink and shiny and ready to house a visitor for a good 40 weeks….

IVF # 1 is a go!!!

This morning I woke up in…

….London! 

Crikey Moses it is FREEZING in Johannesburg today!!!  I knew it was going to be cold cos yesterday was kinda a prelude to what we were expecting for today, but man alive!  Winter has not crept up on us, it has run full bull into us screaming and shouting.  Miserable grey skies, with a bit of rain and freezing cold wind… Yep, today I woke up in London….

Need to be on my way to the clinic shortly for my appointment with the IVF co-ordinator and to have my office hysteroscopy to check my insides, the only thing is that I am still spotting slightly and I am not sure that they will be able to go ahead with the scope after all.  Popped my FS an email checking with him but have not heard from him yet… *must not get into a state of stress, must not get into a state of stress*

Update on the to be or not to be office hysteroscopy to follow later! From “London” nogall 😉

This post was supposed to be published at 09h30 this am, but my network at work was not willing to get it into blogland, hence the confusion in times etc….

What I have been thinking…

Recently I have been thinking a lot about what we want out of life. 

In my younger days when I just started working, all I wanted out of life was my pay check and a good time.  I wanted to go out a lot with my mates, have  a lot to drink, get buzzed and just have good old clean fun.  Yes I am simplyfying but that was basically what I wanted.  Then I got a little older, and I found that while I still wanted to have a good life, I also wanted to meet my soul mate, settle down and have kids.  I am one of those women who was born broody… I love kids, always have and always will…

So I worked, played and met my darling hubby, we dated, got married and tried straight away for kids… And now 4 years down the line we are still trying…  I was telling my sister about the plans for the IVF and the steps we have to take before we start stimms etc and she something to me that really hit home.  She told me how lukcy I was to have Cliff who is (for the most part 😉 ) probably the best husband anyone could ask for. He cooks, he cleans, he does things around the house and he is there for me in more ways than I can count on this journey we find ourselves on.  My sister would love to meet someone like Cliff, she would love to meet the man she is going to marry. 

It got me thinking, I have the one thing my sister is still striving for.    She envy’s me that.  Then I took it to the next level, my sister has the one thing that I am still striving for.  She has good hormones and fell pregnant really easily, she has a beautiful, articulate, cheeky, amazing child.  I envy her that. 

My brain has been going around and around about how when we really want something in our lives we hone in on that thing and all of a sudden we can only see other people who have what we want and envy them.  It is like, when you are single and are ready to meet someone all you see are couples.  In  much the same way for those of us who are desperate to have children, all we see are pregnant people or people with babies… I hate that I envy other people their pregnant and baby happiness.  I ask God every day to give me the strength to let them be happy and for me to be happy for them.

I really just want to hit the jackpot with this IVF.  I want that so badly that I can taste it… but I also don’t want to forget what I have in my life currenlty.  I have the most supportive family, they are rallying behind Cliff and I like you cannot believe, I have really good friends both in RL and in blogland who are there for me through the thick and thin of this journey, I have a beautiful home, two gorgeous hounds, food on my plate each and every night and a honest job which pays the bills and then some.  In many ways I have hit the jackpot in so many different ways… I just hope and pray for the next one to hit paydirt as well… cos if one looks at my track record, I have done pretty well so far right?

I just got to keep on rolling and sooner rather than later, I know that I am going to be hitting paydirt on the baby jackpot too… That is my wish for each and everyone of us who wants something out of life.  What ever it is, I wish us all our hearts desires, and I chose to believe that each and every one of us will get them.  No doubt in my mind.

Hope

Hope has many definitions, but to me, an infertile it is more than just a word with a definition…

Hope allows me to think about the amazing possibilities of this journey we call infertility.  I still cannot actually believe that we are embarking on the IVF road.  It is beeg, very very beeg.  But as soon as I catch myself thinking of the beegness and the possible pitfalls, I take a deep breath and allow hope to shine through… cos this has to be a conscious decision, to allow hope to shine through.

Hope allows me to think about how happy our families will be when we announce that we are indeed pregnant.  Hope allows me to start thinking about what we are going to name our children.  Hope allows me to wonder whether I will suffer from morning sickness or not.  Hope allows me to imagine how my tummy will look once it is swollen and full of life.  Hope allows me to imagine the feelings and emotions of actually feeling that first flutter of life inside my belly.  Hope, hope is what gets me through each and every day of this journey.

Hope is addictive and I am well on my way to being a junkie.

21 days of…

… birth control starts today!  I am so excited that I am only 21 days away from starting stims for my FIRST and hopefully last IVF… I know I seriously sound like a newbie barbie but I just cannot help myself!

It seems like all we have been through in the last 4 years is finally going to be behind us.  I know that I need to take this each day as it comes, and I know that it is not going to be a walk in the park, but I am hopeful that this will be it for us at last.  Because I kinda have to hope against all hope that we’ll be one of the blessed ones who have IVF #1 end with happy news and joy. 

Double Barrel

Since I got married just under 4 years ago, I had many people ask me about my double barreled last name (Curley-Young)

Initially many people commented on on how different my last name is and asked about the origin of my husbands family.  I would then explain that I have a double barrel last name made up of my maiden name and my hubby’s name.  A lot of people do not understand this at all, they think I am a strange person (no arguements there), stupid (my IQ tests state the oppsite actually), a “burn my bra” feminist (to a certain extent guilty) and some have even commented that I do not hold the marriage we entered into in high regard cos I have blatantly gone against tradition of changing my name to my hubby’s (what a load of bollocks).

I love my husband, I love his family, I am blessed to have been accepted by them and to have become a part of the Young clan.  But I also love my family, and I think that Cliff loves my family too and is blessed to have been accepted by them and to have become a part of our nutty clan.  My family have shaped me as a person and are a very vital part of my daily life.  So why should I have to forget that and give up my heritage just because I met, fell in love with and decided to share my life with someone else? 

Now before anyone gets their knickers in a knot, I am not for one minute saying that taking your partner’s name is wrong or lame or doff or anything.  What I am saying is that for me, I really could not do it.  Our family name on our side of the family dies out with my sister and I.  (Our cousin has managed to continue the Curley legacy so it won’t die out completely just yet) I wanted to let my parents know that I am grateful to them for what they made me – loud, confident, opinionated, loyal, honest, empathetic, stubborn, impatient etc etc and that moving into the next phase of my life did not mean that I had forgotten who I am.  

Thankfully I have a husband who really does not stress about this.  Our children will be “Youngs”.  I am still his wife, what my id book says my last name is does not veto that fact (even though I am sure that there are times that he wishes it did, I can be a very embarrasing wife to have at times 😉 ).  If someone calls me Mrs Young I answer them, if the call me Mrs Curley-Young I answer them, I even get called Mrs Curley at times and yes I answer to that too… I guess what I am trying to say in a very convoluted round about way, is that in my mind a “rose by any other name is just as sweet”…

What do you guys think?