Preventive Measures

I’ve got something big on my mind.

It’s something that I need to sort out and take action on, but is also something that doesn’t make any sense to me at all.  As an infertile, this subject is feeling taboo in my heart even though my head KNOWS it has to be tackled and tackled soon.

At my 6 week check after Gemma’s delivery, my gynae asked the age-old question that they ask of everyone at that appointment… “so what are we going to do about birth control?”  BIRTH CONTROL???  Holy smokes!  As someone who spent the greater part of her marriage TRYING to get pregnant, having to actively think about PREVENTING a pregnancy is just plain weird.  We discussed some options.  I left the office armed with wads of information on the mirena, mulling about vasectomy and a prescription for the mini pill as I was still breast-feeding.  I took that months worth of the mini pill, have stopped breastfeeding and am absolutely NO CLOSER to figuring out what course of action we are going to pursue to prevent another pregnancy.

We (and I mean Cliff) are sure that we (again I mean Cliff) don’t want anymore children.  We (and I mean both of us) are so absolutely grateful to have the two (TWO!!!!) children that we have been blessed with and want to give them everything we possibly can in life.  Another baby would seriously hamper our ability to give the two kids we have everything that we want to.  Our house is perfect for a family of four. Having that become a family of five would mean more renovations or another house… which is not really part of our plan.

BUT.

I just cannot wrap my head around actively preventing a pregnancy.  Not when so much of my life has been obsessed focused on achieving it.  The fact of the matter is that as much as I still think of myself as someone who is unable to conceive from having sex, the fact is that I can.  I did Twice.  So now I have to force myself so see myself as something that for so long I was not.  Fertile.  Able to conceive.  Not wanting an unplanned pregnancy…

My first instinct is to tell Cliff to get a vasectomy (he is willing).  But it seems so PERMANENT.  What if we find ourselves in a different place in a few years and want a third child (I always wanted three kids growing up)?  What if God forbid something happens to me and he remarries and his new wife wants a child with him?    What if?

The mirena sounds like a viable option too but it’s expensive to get placed (and not covered by medical aid, surprise surprise) and I’ve read that it doesn’t always agree with everyone who gets it.

I have to tell you, it’s kind of freaking me out.

So.  If you’re willing please share your experiences of preventive measures with me.  What works?  What doesn’t?

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Today you’re THREE!

My Dearest Kade

Today you are THREE!

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It truly boggles my mind that you have been in our lives for three years already.  Three years have sped past and often I look at you and I just cannot believe I got so lucky.  So incredibly blessed.

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You have literally exploded this year.  I think back to how you were just a mere year ago and I have to wonder how you are the same little person.  Last year was a year of screaming/crying/vomiting school drop offs whereas this year you happily walk into school and kiss us goodbye with no qualms in the world.  I definitely think skipping you a class was the BEST thing we ever did as you are now stimulated and love interacting at school.  You love jumping!  From the stool to the couch.  On the bed.  On a trampoline.  On a jumping castle.  As a boy who just a year ago had a broken femur I cannot explain how HAPPY this movement with NO fear makes me.

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I am loving discovering how your little mind works.  The way you think about things before you talk and the way you process every little detail is fascinating.

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I love that you seem to be like your old mom and have a love for words.  You keep on asking us to give you “big words” to say and you enunciate them so, so well.  You love animals and are very keen to do our “boxes for the poor kids” again this year.  You have such a giving little heart, I worry that you will be taken advantage of as you grow older but as much as I worry, I hope that this is a quality you will never lose.

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In the last year you endured a broken leg, a stay in hospital for bronchial pneumonia, major household renovations, my pregnancy and the entry of your sister into our lives with aplomb.  You seem to take everything that happens in your life in complete stride, by first watching and evaluating the situation and then deciding to just be ok with it.  I’m not saying we’ve not had our “moments” but overall you handle life’s obstacles really well.

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You are now very nearly fully potty trained (just wearing a night nappy).  You were SO excited to wear undies and despite your persistent habit of being too busy playing/running around/watching TV to tell us you need a wee and hold it in because you are scared you are going.to.miss.something you are a champ in this department!  I cannot tell you how proud I am of you.

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You are THE BEST big brother ever.

I was worried that you would battle to adjust to Gemma and having to share us with her.  You were our complete focus for so long but you have amazed me at how fiercely you love your sister.  How accepting you are of the fact that she needs me more right now cos she is little.  Nothing warms my heart more than to see you interact with her and how proud you are of “mine Gemma”.  And let me tell you something my boy, that little girl loves you fiercely back.  Her little face lights up when she see’s you and she laughs and giggles with you all the time.  As a mother, this makes me SO SO joyful.

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My boy.  You are truly my gift from above.  God answered my hearts desires three years ago when He chose me to be your mother.  You are stubborn (just like mommy and daddy), you know what you want, you are determined, you are expressive, you are affectionate, you are loving, you are so open to living this life every moment.  You have a smile that could melt a thousand icebergs.

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I cannot wait to see what the next year has in store for you as you grow and mature. I love you more than that!  To the moon and back.  Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis big.

Thank you for being my boy.

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