Spitting Mad!!!!

This moring I woke up and had a little thought to myself – “did I get paid this month?’  You see I get a text message everytime I get paid and this month I had not seen my text informing me that my salary had been paid into the ole bank account.

So I checked and I have not been paid!  I’m so spitting mad!!!  After two calls to the payroll department and the HR department at my shithole current company I was told it’s company policy to not pay those who resign until their last day, but that does not sit well with me.  # 1 cos I’ve got debit orders that I need to have cash in the bank to cover and now it looks like I’m a bad credit risk # 2 cos they paid the other guy who resigned the same day I did & # 3 cos they are just doeses and are being “off” to me cos I took this week off to recover from my lap…

*sigh*  At the end of the day this little tete a te has just reafirmed so many of the reasons why I’m getting out of there!

But I’m still spitting mad!

Lap round up

First up – thank you so much for all the love, well wishes and thoughts I received yesterday, you people are REALLY REALLY special you know that?

We arrived at the hospital right on time – got the admission papers sorted only to be told there were no beds in the surgical ward downstairs.  So we sat in reception for a while.  Then our lovely nurse Beauty came to fetch us ( me and two other girls) and took us upstairs to the maternity ward to wiat for a bed.  ERm, nice – NOT.  Beauty hurredly got rid of bassinets and baby paraphenalia from our rooms and then we did some more paperwork.  I made friends with the girl on the bed next to me – her first lap she was terrified.  I tried to calm her down but was honest about possible pain and uncomfort she would feel post procedure.  I also plugged Fertilicare to her.

In flounced our anthetist and he did his pre-op babble, blood pressure checks etc.  Got called down to the surgical suite (thank goodness, the sound of another woman’s baby crying next door was really pulling at my heart strings) and then changed into those delicious gowns and sat in my bed to wait yet again…

Finally went into theatre at about 14h00, my FS is just divine, he was holding my hand and telling me “every little things gonna be all right”.  (well not quite in those words but I loved this song of hope that my friend Shaz dedicated to me)  I woke up 56 minutes later very alert and shivering my ass off.  I thought that was strange cos I’ve never reacted to anethestic like that but a good blow of hot air under my blankies took care of that.  Started chatting to the recovery nurses and they wheeled me back to the ward.  Had some tea (oure heaven after nearly 24 hours of an empty tummy) and sarmies (no Abs no egg ones 😉 ).  Stephan came to chat to me and the news was good – a small endometrioma on my right ovary which he removed and some small spots of endo on my uterus which were also blasted into obscurity.  My bladder was clean this time round, and my left ovary was not stuck onto anything.  The amazing thing is that he was telling me that in some cases, once they get the initial endo sorted out they find a steady decline of it over a period of time and he told me that it can eventually go away completely, and that he thought that from my results that I would be one of those girls… 🙂

I was soon up and about chatting to the girls I had made friends with earlier (my roomate had a huge fibroid and loads of endo removed, my other friend who just moved to JHB from CT had stage 2 endo removed), laughing with the nurses and passing urine to get my discharge papers signed.  I was feeling surprisingly good.  I was extremely chipper and even my FS commented that no one would guess that I had just had surgery – of course he took full credit for that being the amazing surgeon that he is ;).

Once we got home we had dinner and then the lap shoulder started to set in, at first it was a small amount of discomfort in my left shoulder but by 02h00 this am it was full blown “ouchie” hard to breath too deep lap shoulder.  I’m trying to sit up as much as possible cos that seems to give me relief but am exhausted cos I can’t sleep in a sitting position.  Am taking small 30-40 minute naps at a time and then sitting up again and putting  my new best friend (my wheat heat) over my aching shoulders.

But overall I’m feeling good.  A little tender but good.  I’m super pleased at the results of the lap and am looking forward to my new job and new life and new chance at treatment later this year. 

In esssence I guess I’m eeking out a tiny rainbow fart for myself.  I’m so hopeful for whats to come in the future.

Thanks again for all your support, it really warms the cockles of this girl’s heart.  Mwah!!

Perceptions

When I was a kid, I used to get so much joy out of seeing pregnant ladies and thinking “hehehe, I know what *you’ve* been doing lately….”  At times it used to skeeve me out to know that this nice looking woman had been bumping uglies with her man and that they had created life together.  At other times it would amaze me completely how SEX could cause this awesome miracle.  But at all times in my life as a young innocent, I knew that I wanted to be that woman one day.

Now that my eyes have been opened by my own journey to a possible conception, I find that my thoughts towards pregnant woman have changed many times.  In the beginning of my journey, I used to look at them and think to myself “not long now and that will be me”.  Soon enough those thoughts turned to ones of extreme jealousy “oh god I wish that was me…” and I would have to turn my head away from the sight of those wonderful bellies cos I just knew that those woman could feel the waves of wanton longing that my eyes were radiating towards them. 

These days when I look at a beautiful belly, I still sometimes can’t hide the wanton longing, but more often than not I wonder what it took for that woman to get that belly.  I wonder if she had to struggle to be blessed.  I wonder if she sat through countless FS appointments discussing options.   I wonder if she had to go through countless IVF’s/miscarriages to have the priveledge to rub that belly.  I wonder how many tears she’s had to shed before reaching the other side.

One things for sure my perception of how beautiful bellies are made has been changed by this journey, and I think my perceptions are better now, more gentle and less (for lack of a better word) smutty.

I don’t think I’ll ever take what it might have taken for that woman to get her belly for granted again.

On the Eve…

…of my 3rd laparoscopy I’m feeling slightly nervous, slightly anxious and funnily enough also a little excited. 

Nervous cos well I wil always get a bit nervous before a surgery and Lord knows I’ve had a few.  I’ve had a wisdom teeth extraction, a bladder op and two laparscopies – heading for # 3.  Anxious cos I’m really hoping that my endo is not too bad tomorrow – I really don’t want to have to face the fact that my endo is getting worse and is growing back at a rate of knots making the time between treatments less and less…

And the excitement?  This feeling stems from the fact that I’m really hoping that this will be my third and FINAL laparoscopy, that my insides will be good and clean and fresh so that when we decide to have that all important third fresh IVF my insides will be in the BEST possible shape and that it will contribute towards a successful attempt. 

I’m drinking my last glass of wine before my 3rd laparoscopy – so Cheers to Lap # 3 🙂