The truth is…

… that I am floundering.  I really am not sure what the heck I want out of life.  The only thing I *am* sure that I want, I can’t work towards getting right now (cos we’re on a break) and I am floundering… 

I am really not happy at my current job, it pays the bills and it is “ok” but I am bored stiff and while I know with my head that it is not a good time to be looking for jobs right now (cos most people are hanging in there for bonuses and leave) I feel like I really *should* be doing something to get myself out of here… I am seeing an employment agent this afternoon and while I am going to see her I have the distinct impression that I am wasting mine and her time cos I honest to gosh do not know what kind of job I am looking for…  I am trying to get myself set up in this ceramics business but as much as I am excited about the opportunities it presents I am scared shitless about what it entails…

I am feeling weepy today and I’m not sure why… I have a sneaky suspicion that it has something to do with the fact that I pop a little white pill every morning which is supposed to make my body NOT ovulate (pssst, little white pill I can do *that shit* without your help thank you very much), and that I am supposed to get a visit from Aunt Flo in three days time… just in time for our weekend away in Clarens at this divine place… erm not condusive for romance are ya Flo?  

I am irritated that we have been allocated the “sleep 2” chalet at the resort we are going to (and I have NO right whatsoever to be annoyed cos we’re getting this chalet for FREE) cos we are the childless couple of the three that are going away together… I wish it was me who was arranging a cot for our chalet that “sleeps 4” and that we were worried about space in our car cos we had to transport kids…

I am tired all the time, it is a monumental battle to get myself out of bed in the mornings and yes you guessed it I am floundering…  I am wondering if I am in desperate need of a shrink or if I just need to give myself a good old kick up the rear end?

Right now I’m hanging in for our holiday in November and I guess I will re-evaluate after that… but I guess I know that I seriously need to do something about this funk I’m in right now… cos a floundering Sam = unhappy Sam = irritable Sam = big fight with husband to release the tension = unhappy husband and wife and sad hounds in the household of Young… *sigh*

Anyone interested?

In my last post asking for business advise some of you suggested that I set up a page on this here blog so that you can see what I’ve done and maybe, just maybe one of you might be interested in placing some orders for Christmas presents 😉

Well look to the sidebar girls – I’ve done a rudimentary page for you to have a look see – let me know what you think…

And be completely honest guys – if I’m going to make a go at this I need to have constructive cristism…

Toilet Ettiquette

In our offices we have a ladies restroom with three loo’s… I don’t know if it is just here but I have walked into the restroom and subsequently the loo to find someone else in there on a number of occassions!  It freaks my bean!! 

One would think that when you go into a toilet in a PUBLIC place that you would follow the following steps:

  1. Enter toilet cubicle
  2. CLOSE the door
  3. LOCK the door
  4. Pull down pants (or hike up skirt dependant on attire)
  5. Do business
  6. Pull up pants (or hitch down skirt dependant on attire)
  7. Flush loo
  8. Unlock door
  9. Open door
  10. Wash hands and primp in front of mirror if that is your thang…

But NO, here at my place of work the sequence is different, it goes a little something like this:

  1. Enter toilet cubicle
  2. Pull down pants (or hike up skirt dependant on attire)
  3. Get interupted by someone else thinking the loo is free cos the bloody door is NOT CLOSED OR LOCKED!!!!
  4. Glare at said person and mumble “occupied” or “busy” with all your bits hanging out for the earth to see
  5. Do business (grumbling under your breath about how stupid people are to walk in while you’re busy in the TOILET)
  6. Pull up pants (or hitch down skirt dependant on attire)
  7. Flush loo
  8. Walk out (not washing hands – eeewwww – glaring at person who interupted you who *is* washing her hands)

I mean What. The. Heck.

A little weird

Those who know me know that I have dreams that have a tendancy to come true. 

I had a dream about my close friend (the one who I posted about here a while back) that she was pregnant and that she had just found out she was having a little boy.  I told her the next day over coffee that I dreamt she was pregnant and she told me that was not possible as she and her husband were not trying…  Six weeks later she told me that she was seven weeks pregnant.  She went on to birth her son 35 weeks later (he was 2 weeks overdue).  I then had a dream about another friend of mine who was going through IVF (she has no tubes) and I dreamt that she was pregnant with twins and I kept on “seeing” her with a pigeon pair.  I was severely disappointed when her first IVF came back negative but two months later with her second IVF she got a positive beta and was pregnant with twins!  I got the pigeon pair wrong though as she ended up with twin daughters… I then dreamt again of my friend who had her son and dreamt that she was pregnant with a daughter.  At twelve weeks pregnant she called me to say that she was expecting again and that the gynae told her she thought it was a girl…  I’ve got a good trend going here don’t I?

The thing is that I’ve never dreamt of myself being pregnant – ever.  Not once in our over four year journey have I ever dreamt that I will be pregnant.  I’ve hoped, prayed, undergone treatment after treatment but have never dreamt of myself as pregnant.  I’ve often irrationally thought that because I’ve never dreamed it for myself that it would not happen for me… until last night. 

Last night I had a really weird dream.  I dreamt that I was in hospital for some reason and that the doctors were treating me with antibiotics and I had drips hooked up and everything and my uterus was really sore… no-one could figure out what was wrong with me… everyone was looking really worried… then all of a sudden someone asked if I could be pregnant?  I laughed in their face and said me? pregnant?  no way!  But then someone slathered gel all over my belly and used the dildo cam (why on earth would they slather jelly on my belly if they used the dildo cam I have no cooking clue, but anyways I digress) and there was a beautiful baby in my tummy… they declared me 6 weeks 5 days along (also weird cos the baby inside was not a blob but had the classic side view profile shot going down) and I cried and cried and cried… and then I woke up.

I’m thinking that this is just a little weird right?  It seems that as much as I say I am on a ttc break and that I am focusing on not being the infertile couple that my subconscious is still focused on us having that baby…

It will be interesting to see if my dream of my baby is prophetic or not… I’m hoping it is – all of it except the being in hospital undiagnosed that is… 😉

7 Yesterday…

Time sure flies… 7 years ago yesterday I had driven from Joburg to Rustenburg with a hangover from hell due to a huge party I had had the night before to celebrate the fact that I was becoming an aunt… I had to have the windows rolled down in my car cos the alchol fumes were threatening to make me pass out one minute and vomit the next… I made it to the hospital in one piece and ran inside… my sister was still in theatre and my Dad took me to the hospital canteen to soak up some of the alchol with a greasy burger…

Finally we got the news that Michelle had delivered a beautiful baby girl!  We ran (ok so I slothed my way) to the room and hugged her and kissed her and we were so happy!  BUT there was no baby in the room – my gorgeous neice was born via c-section and was in her incubator… MORE WAITING!!!  After what felt like 500 years (but was only 4 hours, hangover brain extends minutes into years) the nurse wheeled this cute monkey into the room and we all goo’ed and gaa’ed over her little crib… My sister in her bed behind us asking to see her baby cos she too had not really seen her properly yet… My Dad crying, my Mom refusing to hand over the baby and me… holding my breath until I turned blue cos I was too scared to breathe on the child and teach her WAY to quickly about being drunk… what a great day it turned out to be!

Happy 7th Birthday child of my heart!  Aunty Sam loves you lots and lots like jelly tots!!

Bliss…

We had such a blissful day yesterday at Mangwanani… *sigh*  the only bad thing is that it is now over and that today I sit at a desk instead of on a bed in the sun soaking up the relaxation and champers…

Thanks girls for such a divine day!!!