A few people have asked me what we plan to do about our upcoming GIFT in light of the recent events in my life.
Now I’d like to ask that those of you who don’t agree with our decision, not try to convince us otherwise. The decision of what to do is mine and Cliff’s and we’ve made the decision and we’re sticking to it come what may. No amount of trying to convince us the other way will change our minds and all that will happen is that I’ll get upset, so please I know it will be coming from your hearts but rather bite your tongue if you feel the need to try make me change my mind.
Consensus seems to be that we should delay treatment.
That I’m too fragile, that I’m too entrenched in my grief over my Dad’s passing, it will be too stressful doing treatment and living through the local memorial service… those are a few of the many reasons we’ve been given by others to delay. Which honestly are all reasons that I’ve thought about long and hard.
But if I’m honest the next treatment will be stressful no matter when I do it. I’ll still be in some stage of grief over my Dad’s passing. My heart will still be tender and will be for years to come I think. There are people in the world that go through treatment and deal with way worse additional stress than I’ll be under who still fall pregnant so it’s not like the added stress will have any impact on the final outcome – which is in fact already decided. It’s either going to work or it’s not – no amount of utopia surrounding me will change that.
Cliff asked me if (it sounds nasty but was not meant this way at all) if I was emotionally stable enough to go ahead as planned. And having thought about it I really feel like I am. Whilst I am still sad over the loss of Dad, I am emotionally stable enough to work every day, emotionally stable enough to drive everyday so realistically I should be emotionally stable enough to stick needles into myself daily and have a date with a dildo cam every 2 days (even under normal circumstances most people would consider the process a tad weird and ironically would think me emotionally unstable to go through with it).
The thing is this.
My Dad is gone. His life has been lived. And delaying my treatment will not change this ONE IOTA. His soul will still be gone from us, and all that I’ll feel is that I lost out on the chance of my theory being proved. I’ll feel like I’ve failed yet again in a very different way.
And I know that my Dad, who loved me so much, would not want me to delay this treatment cos of him. I can just hear him now. “What on earth are you thinking Dungfunnel? You need to move forward.” He was big on moving forward.
And so, that is what we’ve decided to do. We will be moving forward with our February GIFT. In an odd way, I’m hoping that my Dad has spoken with the boss man upstairs and that he’s already met the child or children we’re going to have.
So GIFT in February it is. I think it’s gonna be a wild one – hang on if you join me for the ride.