It is well…

Let me start by saying that all is well with our little goggo. Thank God.  I cannot tell you the sense of relief I felt once we got into the scan room and the gel was squirted on my belly and up popped the image of our baby’s perfect little hand MOVING around…

When we saw our little bubs heart beating away, i literally breathed the biggest sigh of relief!  Baby is lying very low in my pelvis which would account for the fact that I’m not showing as much as I did with Kade. Fact is goggo is very much alive and weighs a healthy 124 grams.

Little goggo would not reveal its goods to us, so we’re still none the wiser as to goggo’s sex but I’m just happy that s/he is alive and well.

thank you to everyone who prayed for me and the goggo while I had the major crazies going on in my head. It was so appreciated.

Advertisements

The Crazies…

…have seriously set in…

I don’t know what made me think that I was strong enough to last a full 4 weeks between scans.  The truth is I am having the most terrible dead baby thoughts and dreams.  Terrible, terrrible.  Dreams that feel so real I wake up from them with my heart pounding and my breaths caught in my throat.  Things like I’m at the scan and the doctor looks at me with this hangdog look on his face and say “I’m sorry your baby is dead”.  Or another scenario “Oh no, you’ve lost another one…”  Or another scenario, the doctor under his breath “move baby move, show us you’re alive…”

There are a few things that are contributing to the crazy in my head.  I’m 15 weeks 3 days along and I’m not showing yet.  Not if you don’t count the added weight that eating my nausea away has added to my but and thighs.  When I lie down in bed at night, my uterus sometimes shifts up and I get a small egg like shape pop up BUT it’s inconsistent.  Sometimes the egg is there, sometimes not.  I have almost zero bump when I’m upright.  So I worry that everything isn’t ok with this baby cos I’m not showing yet.  By 16 weeks with Kade I had a noticeable bump and I was 21kg’s heavier than I am now.  So surely I should be showing quicker and more with this child?

The Saturday after I had my 12 weeks scan I am dead sure I picked up the baby on the home doppler.  Since that day I’ve not been able to pick anything up again.  Granted after trying a few times I have to admit I’m too scared to try again.  The doppler has caused much of the  crazy in my head.

My all day nausea is gone.  Whilst it sucked to feel sick and icky all day long it was a very reassuring sign that all was progressing well inside there.  I know that the sickness has eased cos I’ve passed the first trimester but this is adding to the crazy.

Logically I am focusing on all the good signs.  My breasts are still full and heavy and tender to touch.  The “egg” while inconsistent is there, perhaps this means that I am carrying deeper this time round?  Surely if something had happened since 12 weeks I would have started spotting or bleeding by now?  Home dopplers are not accurate in early pregnancy and I know with Kade I used to battle like hell to pick him up and he was attached in a decent spot – I know this baby is in a strange spot cos the OBgyn had to use an external scan rather than an internal on all my very early scans to pick baby up…

All I can say is THANK THE POPE my next scan is on Thursday evening.

Hopefully and in all likelihood I will laugh at the craziness I’ve allowed to creep into my head and I will soon be able to reveal whether we have another boy or a little girl person on the way…

Pray for me while we get thru the next two days?