My Love Hate Relationship

We all have experienced a love hate relationship at some point in our lives.  My current love hate relationship is with Twitter.  Like most people who are involved in social media at some point, when Twitter was born I was in like flint.  I didn’t really “get it” and thought it was kinda pointless to tell people “what I was doing” all the time… but I went along for the ride and as it evolved and it became more of a communication tool I fell in love with it…

Then things happened in my life and Twitter was used to hurt me, to drive stakes into my heart so to speak.  I hated it at that time.  I drew back and made my account private.  I screened my followers and the people I was following  ruthlessly.  I just didn’t have the passion for it any more.

Then life changed yet again, I had a great set of Twitter friends who loved and supported me through the good and the bad.  I was private, I had the control.  We all know that Twitter was my lifeline during the early weeks of Kade’s life.  So I fell in love with Twitter again.

I felt confident enough to open my account again so that I could connect with more mothers, and expand the world of advise and support.  But lately, I don’t know, there is *something* that is making me fall out of love with Twitter again.  An underlying passive aggressiveness.  Sometimes a very blatant sense of aggressiveness.  Not towards me directly.  But amongst the realm of the world I “live” in on Twitter.  Too much “know it all attitude” that hurts feelings and people lashing back.  Too many underlying barbs and nastiness.  There is very much a gang like mentality brewing where when a disagreement occurs between one or two people, a pack is formed and sides are taken and maliciousness is spewed forth.

It’s become a place where it’s seemingly acceptable to just say whatever you want without any regard to the other person’s feelings and I’m not really comfortable with that.  I don’t know what it is about the anonymity of the internet that makes people think it’s ok to behave in that manner.  I seriously doubt that anyone would actually behave that way face to face unless seriously pushed towards the edge… so why do we think it’s ok to behave this way on the internet?

I’m finding myself pulling back from Twitter again.  Trying to quiet the voices that are all clamouring to purge themselves in a negative manner.

Maybe I’ll fall back in love with Twitter again, but for now, I’m again in a hate place of my relationship with it.  Perhaps a sign that it’s time to give it a skip altogether?

What do you think about Twitter at the moment?

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That thing called Sleep…

We’ve been really lucky in terms of getting sleep in our house since Kade has arrived.  He started sleeping through at 10 weeks old and whilst he was always a cat napper during the day (he hardly ever slept for longer than max 40 mins in the day time) we weren’t too phased by this as he always slept really well at night.  And any mother will tell you night-time sleep is golden.

As he’s grown and developed we’ve got into a really good routine sleep wise.  It’s worked for us and for him and we were all (bar the odd night here and there due to teething or hitting major milestones) getting the rest we needed to function properly.  Even on his best nights it seemed like Kade had inherited his father’s gene’s, he would wake up 05h30 for 06h00 going for 10 – 11 hour stretches and only ever slept for 12 hours ONCE.

Until recently that is.

This past weekend Kade skipped his afternoon nap and he slept 12 hours straight through from 19h00 to 07h00.  I was in heaven.  And then he had his afternoon nap again on Tuesday and went back to his 10.5 hour stretch.    The only thing that changed was that he had an afternoon nap.

I wondered to myself perhaps we needed to drop the afternoon nap because to get him to sleep in the afternoon?  It’s ALWAYS a huge fight. He cries and kicks and screams like we are murdering him and we end up almost always having to wake him from his afternoon nap cos I don’t like him to sleep after 16h00 as this seriously affects his night-time sleep.

So last week for two days we’ve conducted an experiment of sorts.  We’ve stretched his morning nap time to later in the morning and have dropped the afternoon nap.  On the first day he slept for 2 hours 15 minutes for his morning nap, went down as normal for the night and slept right through till 05h50 with NOT a peep.  Now he often wakes at night and talks to himself or plays in his cot for anywhere between 20 mins to an hour (sometimes an hour and a half!!) and then goes back to sleep on his own.

On the 2nd day he slept for 2 hours and went down as normal for his night-time sleep and slept till 05h00 where he woke up crying,  Cliff went down to soothe him and he fell back asleep within 5 minutes and woke up again at 07h00.

It definitely seems like my boy is ready to drop that afternoon nap.  All I’m hoping is that this 12 hour stretch continues as it has been and that I am able to “sleep in” until 07h00 on the weekends.

Here’s to sleep, glorious sleep!  Long may it last 😉

Party, Party!

The morning of 02nd June dawned bright and early.  I had a LOT to get done but I was amped and super emotional.  It was my baby boy’s FIRST birthday !  We really couldn’t have asked for a more spectacular winter’s day in JHB and we are so blessed to have shared this day with our nearest and dearest.

Our boy was a champ – despite only having had a short morning nap, he somehow knew that he was the man of the moment and charmed everyone at the party.

I cannot believe he’s over a year old already.  Some days it feels like he’s been in our lives for a nano second and sometimes it feels like he’s never been out of our lives.  The love I have for my son is so indescribable.

I cannot wait to share many more birthdays with him.  Here are some pics of his birthday party for your viewing pleasure 🙂

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A year on…

Bug,

A year ago you entered this world at 18h16 on the 03rd June and you made me a Mommy.   Whilst you were growing in my belly, you had already started to heal my hurts in so many ways, but I was completely unprepared for the force with which your entering this world would effect me.

It has been my honor and my privilege to journey with you on this ride called motherhood.  You’ve taught me that I can function (albeit rather sketchily) on VERY little sleep, you’ve taught me that I will do anything for you – even if that would hypothetically mean throwing myself in front of a moving train to save your life.  You are everything I imagined you’d be and more.  More awesome. More beautiful.  More funny.  More delicious.  More inquisitive.  More, more, more.  You make my heart SO full.

You have a smile that lights up this world and you know how to use it.  I will turn around to see you looking at me and you’ll break out that smile of yours and I’m mush.  Melted into a puddle on the floor.

For some strange reason, you equate the couch with your own version of wrestle mania.  You throw your body around on the couch and face plant into the pillows amidst fits of giggles.

That laugh.  Oh how I love your laugh.  It’s a perfect cross between a mischievous chuckle and bubbly giggle.  It makes my heart happy to hear that laugh.  Even when I’ve had the kakkest day, that laugh brings out my inner happy.

You’ve been walking now for about three and a half weeks – you are always SO darn proud of yourself.  I love that you are joyful and proud of your feats.  I hope you never lose this joy in yourself.  You and your body are amazing, I hope that I can teach you to remember this every day of your life.

This weekend was all about celebrating you and the last year we’ve spent being your Mommy and Daddy.  I could not understand why I was feeling so emotional and tearful on Saturday as we prepped everything for your party.  I never felt far from tears and I guess that was largely because I am just so damn thankful that I have you in my life.  For too many years, I could only dream about what it would be like to be celebrating a first birthday of my son.  And now I am living that dream.   It’s quite overwhelming.

I love you my boy.  I never let a day go by without telling you how much I love you.  I know I’m going to make mistakes along the way, and that at some point you’re going to wail something along the lines of “mom, you’re embarrassing me….” but I am going to make very sure that you never ever forget how much you are loved and treasured.

You are and always will be my little bug, my monkey bum, my stinky poo and pumpkin pie.  Thank you for choosing me to be your Mommy.  I hope you enjoyed your first year with me as much as I did with you.

I cannot wait to see where the next year takes us.

Love Mommy

xxx