Recently I have been thinking a lot about what we want out of life.
In my younger days when I just started working, all I wanted out of life was my pay check and a good time. I wanted to go out a lot with my mates, have a lot to drink, get buzzed and just have good old clean fun. Yes I am simplyfying but that was basically what I wanted. Then I got a little older, and I found that while I still wanted to have a good life, I also wanted to meet my soul mate, settle down and have kids. I am one of those women who was born broody… I love kids, always have and always will…
So I worked, played and met my darling hubby, we dated, got married and tried straight away for kids… And now 4 years down the line we are still trying… I was telling my sister about the plans for the IVF and the steps we have to take before we start stimms etc and she something to me that really hit home. She told me how lukcy I was to have Cliff who is (for the most part 😉 ) probably the best husband anyone could ask for. He cooks, he cleans, he does things around the house and he is there for me in more ways than I can count on this journey we find ourselves on. My sister would love to meet someone like Cliff, she would love to meet the man she is going to marry.
It got me thinking, I have the one thing my sister is still striving for. She envy’s me that. Then I took it to the next level, my sister has the one thing that I am still striving for. She has good hormones and fell pregnant really easily, she has a beautiful, articulate, cheeky, amazing child. I envy her that.
My brain has been going around and around about how when we really want something in our lives we hone in on that thing and all of a sudden we can only see other people who have what we want and envy them. It is like, when you are single and are ready to meet someone all you see are couples. In much the same way for those of us who are desperate to have children, all we see are pregnant people or people with babies… I hate that I envy other people their pregnant and baby happiness. I ask God every day to give me the strength to let them be happy and for me to be happy for them.
I really just want to hit the jackpot with this IVF. I want that so badly that I can taste it… but I also don’t want to forget what I have in my life currenlty. I have the most supportive family, they are rallying behind Cliff and I like you cannot believe, I have really good friends both in RL and in blogland who are there for me through the thick and thin of this journey, I have a beautiful home, two gorgeous hounds, food on my plate each and every night and a honest job which pays the bills and then some. In many ways I have hit the jackpot in so many different ways… I just hope and pray for the next one to hit paydirt as well… cos if one looks at my track record, I have done pretty well so far right?
I just got to keep on rolling and sooner rather than later, I know that I am going to be hitting paydirt on the baby jackpot too… That is my wish for each and everyone of us who wants something out of life. What ever it is, I wish us all our hearts desires, and I chose to believe that each and every one of us will get them. No doubt in my mind.