Last year today was a complete and utter mess.
For so many reasons. There was so much going on in my life that had me feeling helpless and alone and so incredibly sad and angry. I remember trying to hold it all together for as long as possible until it all unravelled in spectacular fashion. I remember the gut wrenching sobs I cried in my Mom’s car when she picked me up on the side of the road – bleeding foot and all, the look of utter horror and fear on my husband’s face when I walked into the house that night. I look back and wonder how it all could have gone so wrong on the same day.
Last year today, I thought life was not really worth living.
THIS year today, I marvel at how worth living life really is.
It’s weird cos I’ve read my fair share of “what a difference a year makes…” posts in my time in this community and I’ve always wondered if I would get a chance to put my own one in words.
And here I am. Here it is.
There has been a lot of “stuff” that’s happened in the 365 days that have passed. A lot of healing. A lot of introspection. A lot of work to get it all unmuddled in my head – to see the wood from the tree’s. I often wonder how I got so lucky, but looking back I see that maybe it was not all about luck. That it has all been intrinsically linked to the path I was on, the path that took me from broken to healed. (and in many ways still healing)
The path that started last year on this day needed to be trodden. I needed to learn the lessons I have learned in the last year. I needed to learn to put myself first at times, to ensure that my emotional well-being was being nurtured as much as I nurtured those of the people I had around me. I needed to recognise what was *really* important to me and my future family.
It was hard. Oh Lord was it hard at times. There was a lot of angst, prayer and supplication over decisions I needed to make. There was a lot of anger to work through. There was a lot of bitterness that I needed to lay to rest. But it was SO WORTH IT. Not just because I sit here feeling my son move in my womb. But also because I’m a better person for having come through victorious this last year. In more ways than one.
It truly is amazing what a difference a year can make in one’s life. I pray that for those of you who are waiting for your breakthrough, whatever it may be, that it comes soon. That you too will get to reflect on the difference that comes into your life in a year. At the changes that can happen within and around you. When it does happen, it will really blow your mind. And I can’t wait to witness it in your lives.
Cos there is one certain fact that I’m a testimony to. Time has the most amazing power of healing.
And a year can make all the difference you need it to.