The truth is…

… that I am floundering.  I really am not sure what the heck I want out of life.  The only thing I *am* sure that I want, I can’t work towards getting right now (cos we’re on a break) and I am floundering… 

I am really not happy at my current job, it pays the bills and it is “ok” but I am bored stiff and while I know with my head that it is not a good time to be looking for jobs right now (cos most people are hanging in there for bonuses and leave) I feel like I really *should* be doing something to get myself out of here… I am seeing an employment agent this afternoon and while I am going to see her I have the distinct impression that I am wasting mine and her time cos I honest to gosh do not know what kind of job I am looking for…  I am trying to get myself set up in this ceramics business but as much as I am excited about the opportunities it presents I am scared shitless about what it entails…

I am feeling weepy today and I’m not sure why… I have a sneaky suspicion that it has something to do with the fact that I pop a little white pill every morning which is supposed to make my body NOT ovulate (pssst, little white pill I can do *that shit* without your help thank you very much), and that I am supposed to get a visit from Aunt Flo in three days time… just in time for our weekend away in Clarens at this divine place… erm not condusive for romance are ya Flo?  

I am irritated that we have been allocated the “sleep 2” chalet at the resort we are going to (and I have NO right whatsoever to be annoyed cos we’re getting this chalet for FREE) cos we are the childless couple of the three that are going away together… I wish it was me who was arranging a cot for our chalet that “sleeps 4” and that we were worried about space in our car cos we had to transport kids…

I am tired all the time, it is a monumental battle to get myself out of bed in the mornings and yes you guessed it I am floundering…  I am wondering if I am in desperate need of a shrink or if I just need to give myself a good old kick up the rear end?

Right now I’m hanging in for our holiday in November and I guess I will re-evaluate after that… but I guess I know that I seriously need to do something about this funk I’m in right now… cos a floundering Sam = unhappy Sam = irritable Sam = big fight with husband to release the tension = unhappy husband and wife and sad hounds in the household of Young… *sigh*

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14 thoughts on “The truth is…

  1. Sam, don’t be so hard on yourself. None of us can be upbeat and happy all the time, especially not on this journey. I know your job sucks and it feels like the odds are stacked against you in every area at the moment, but remember…….. this too shall pass……..
    As tough as it is, just ride it out, you’ve got a lot to look forward to. A lekker weekend in Clarens with friends, a holiday to Plett (lucky bum) in November and then its Christmas time and we’re going to have LOADS of fun between now and then.
    (((Hugs)))

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  2. Shame sweety, it seems that alot of us have that “Im so lost/feeling down” feeling. I was also thinking about this andcame to the conclusion that its that time of the year. I mean I saw Christmas decorations out already. The end of the year is a time to reflect on what you have acheived and sadly for us that always brings us back to the ttc story. I swore on NYE last year that THIS year it would happen for us, I had so much determination but seeing the end of the year in sight means starting to feel uncomfortable. It sounds like you have an awesome time ahead of you with holidays coming up. Just enjoy the time and take it easy and if you need to see someone then just go chat to a counsellor for 1 or 2 sessions, just to help release everything?
    xxx

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  3. I am sending you a virtual cosmopolitan and a giant slice of chocolate cake. I think we all get that way sometimes. Shaz is right, don’t beat yourself up. This is the best place to let it out. Sometimes I think the blogosphere is like that scene in Waiting to Exhale, where the women are all sitting around wasted. They were totally honest with each other about who they were and how they felt. That is my favorite scene in the whole movie. So, what I am trying to say is go ahead and let it out. Have a good cry and we will just be here for you.

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  4. I say replace the little white pills with a few yellows and show AF who’s the boss, make her go where you want to make her go, one of the few little pleasures of of being on them. Take that…witch!

    Then, go get urself something nice, maybe some new PJ’s, take one whole night to pamper urself with nice magazine and a loooong bath. Lather yourself in the most aromatic body lotion you can get ur hands on and drink a cup of tea while reading before mentioned magazine. Promise to give yourself one night not thinking about all these things ur thinking about. This might be really corny, but try and write ur hubby a love letter, reminding him why you first fell in love with him and why you still are… You can decide whether you give it to him or not.

    Sometimes when ur stuck in a rut (floundering) you need to just hang on and just stick to the status quo and ride it out. Make changes when you feel stronger.

    A talk to a good therapist is also a very good idea when ur in the dumps, even if it’s just one or two sessions. Sounds silly, but it does actually help get those scattered ducks in a row.

    Best of luck on your journey through the slump. Just remember, this too shall pass….

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  5. Can you take two packs of pills back to back? I normally do three in a row and only have a period every three months. That was the recommendation of my RE and frankly, I love it. If the stuff in there is broken anyway, it might as well be as convenient as I can make it!

    *Hugs* for the rest of it. Don’t have any words of wisdom, just hugs.

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  6. Hi Sam, I don’t really have any pearls of wisdom at the moment, I think the others have said it all. I just want to say that I hope you feel better soon. Being in a funk is not the best place to be, but I do believe you are there for a reason in that you need to stop for a while and just catch your breath, enjoy life and take it easy. Being bored in your job at the moment is better than being so stressed out that you feel overwhelmed. When the time is right you will get that job that makes you feel fulfilled and purpose filled, or not, maybe it’s necessary to get your ceramics business up and running. Take it from me, you’ll at least have lots of time to plan and dream your new designs. Hope you enjoy your weekend in Clarins and have lotsa fun!

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  7. Oh Sam. I’m so sorry that things are so very hard right now. It seems to be going around, and I wish like crazy I could give a helping hand. Instead, I’ll send some vodka. And perhaps some cake. Would you like the soccer player cake?

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  8. Just know that I am thinking of you SAM!! I am not good at words, more at listning………but hey vent all you want!!! You have a right 2!! Keep your head up. !! Love Tanya

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  9. AWWW! I am so sorry that you are feeling down. I like M’s suggestion. But it is also OKAY to feel this way. You have been through a lot this year, so don’t beat yourself up. Sometimes the best time to do some major reflection is in the time you feel miserable. But I hope you feel better soon. It’s just horrible to feel this way. ((((HUGS))))

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