Not a Christmas G.I.F.T

I did not quite get the gift I was hoping for this Christmas but it seems it’s going to be a G.I.F.T of another kind in 2010.

We met with my lovely FS yesterday afternoon and went through the cycle and then discussed our options. 

Our FS was very upfront about the fact that we’ve done every test under the sun, we’ve pretty much done everything and tested everything that we can to pinpoint any underlying issues as to why we keep having no success.   There is technically nothing wrong (well aside from my PCOS but that is controlled in this process) and no indicators for why we keep getting shit news.  Clearly our options are slowly but surely running out.

He feels that we’d be beating our heads against the same brick wall by trying another IVF with Intralipids and expect a different result.  We’ve been down the fresh IVF road three times.  It’s clearly not working for us.  No matter how ballsy we are with the number of embies we put back.

While he was pleased to see that we’ve finally had some measure of success by way of the chemical pregnancy, he felt that we needed to look at other options.  He stated that the fact we had achieved a chemical pregnancy bodes well for our future chances and that from a FS perspective he now knows that he does not need to necessarily worry overmuch about the uterus being the issue.  Clearly it can handle implantation.  Implantation *can* happen in my uterus which previously had been a very grey area for us and a huge cause for concern.

So. 

That leaves GIFT.  Both he and his partner feel that we need to do GIFT simply cos by doing this treatment the eggs are in the ideal environment.  Our fertilization rate has always been between 80 – 85% so they are not worried that we are at any risk of not having fertilization occur in the tubes.  The hope is that by putting the eggs and sperm in the “ideal” environment we end up with that viable embryo implanting and sticking this time round.  We’ll combine the GIFT with the intralipids again as well. 

I asked about ectopic statistics and was pleasantly surprised to hear that they are less than 1% at my clinic with this treatment.

The question was as to how many eggs to put back.  Our fert rate is good and in light of the fact that we now know embies can implant in my uterus they would like to er on the side of caution.  Right now they’re saying 4 – 5 eggs.  But obviously we’ll look at it closer to the time and see how we go.

Having chatted to a few friends who have had chemical pregnancies and who went onto having successful pregnancies with live births the very next treatment I found that most had waited a maximum of two months to try again.  I talked to my FS about the possibility of the uterus having some form of muscle memory whereby it may perhaps remember being pregnant and that being the reason why many friends had success so soon after a chemical.  As usual there is no scientific proof to support this but he did not pooh-pooh my theory right off the bat.

Time wise my FS will not do another treatment in less than 60 days.  He feels we need to give my body time to recover and also for our hearts to heal emotionally.  So we’re probably looking at late January or early February 2010.

I’m praying and hoping that the GIFT we do ends up being the GIFT that keeps on giving right up until a live birth late next year…

On another subject all together, I am often amazed how our hearts can handle so many conflicting emotions at once.  While my heart is breaking for myself due to personal issues that are happening in my life right now, my heart explodes with joy at Sharon’s news and the fact that a good friend got a strong healthy beta with IVF #2 this morning.  Our capacity for feeling is truly a wonderful thing. 

It will never cease to amaze me.

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21 thoughts on “Not a Christmas G.I.F.T

  1. Sam, you have without a doubt the most beautiful, selfless spirit! I have NEVER known anyone quite like you. Your ability to be joyful over my news, even though the timing totally sux because of your broke heart it truly touching. God has shown me through this miracle, that He can and does move mountains and that He does answer our prayers. I’m praying He is moving mountains for you right now and that your miracle is in the making!
    Love u!

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  2. Yes! This is certainly true.I think it has a lot to do with the understanding we have for each other. We understand how much we want these things and so we feel the pain and the joy in a very real way! Looks like we shall both start the new year off with treatment. Please please please can we both have great news! Bring it on already!!!

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  3. I truly hope 2010 brings you your miracle Sam. Sharon is so right about how amazingling selfless you are. You are an inspiration to everyone out there battling to feel any joy or good will to others in the face of so much sorrow and personal pain. xxxx

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  4. It amazes me what modern technology can do. I had never heard of GIFT so I looked it up and learned all about it. I hope for you guys that this procedure can give you the best GIFT of all and that this time next year, we will be reading all about your lack of sleep, spit up on jammies that you feel like you have been in for a week, stories of late night feedings and naps on the couch with all 3 of you under one blanket. Keeping up the hope for you from miles and miles away.

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  5. Good luck with GIFT next year honey – we’ll be starting our treatments around the same time, it seems! I’m holding thumbs that this will be The One for you!
    Sharon’s news is FANTASTIC!! I’m so very pleased for them!!
    xxxx

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  6. My “gut feel” on GIFT is that it works really well. I’ve seen so many people have failed IVF’s and then a BFP with a GIFT. And I love the idea that conception is as close to natural as it can be! Take some time to relax now and recover so that you are in a great space for your “gift”!

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  7. Sounds like you have a plan, Good luck with GIFT next year. Will be rooting for you. Sharon’s news is awesome, when one door closes another opens. 🙂

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  8. Been thinking on this one quite a bit.

    I’m neutral on teh first two IVF’s because the protocol was different, THIS time you got THIS close.

    I see it as one of can’t-tell two ways, it is possible that since the two of you test out fine in everything we can test that there are simply more chromosonally aberrant embryos than average, hence no viable pregnancy as yet (possibly not helped by first protocol buit who knows). Second option is that culture environment isn’t conducive to embryonic development.

    Much of the focus in IVF has been on optimising culture media, but still you’re doing well if half get to day 5- the genetic factors we can’t change all that much although we can tweak the stim to try to.

    GIFT would bypass the need for culture media, true, and if your tubes are normal agree on the ectopic risk. Only pest is you need a lap for it to be done. On the plus side, you could generate extra embryos in all probability (since you’re limited in how many eggs are safe to put back and are likely to get more than this number) and freeze at day 2- they’re more likely to survive thaw for a FET.

    On the minus side, you can’t be sure the eggs you put back are in the 85% fert rate, it’s uncontrolled. Makes me wonder a little about ZIFT, you know, if you’re going that kind of route anyway.

    ALso, if environment is knocked out as a possible handicap, I guess next thought would be CGH to see what the karyotypes you’re getting are.

    Gee, I’m boring.

    xx

    g

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  9. replace ‘teh’ with ‘the’ and put an errant ‘m’ back in chromosome will you? Also, get that ‘i’ out of but!

    Should proof read and type slower.

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  10. I hope GIFT is your new year’s gift! I have heard of it, but for some reason I thought it wasn’t done much anymore. Maybe I’m confusing it with ZIFT though. Sounds like with that and the intralipids/Lovenox you’ve got a great shot. (And is it just me or are those Lovenox needles DULL?! I found those needles to be the most painful of the bunch.)

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  11. Pingback: What about the GIFT? « Communiqué

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