I’ve got something big on my mind.
It’s something that I need to sort out and take action on, but is also something that doesn’t make any sense to me at all. As an infertile, this subject is feeling taboo in my heart even though my head KNOWS it has to be tackled and tackled soon.
At my 6 week check after Gemma’s delivery, my gynae asked the age-old question that they ask of everyone at that appointment… “so what are we going to do about birth control?” BIRTH CONTROL??? Holy smokes! As someone who spent the greater part of her marriage TRYING to get pregnant, having to actively think about PREVENTING a pregnancy is just plain weird. We discussed some options. I left the office armed with wads of information on the mirena, mulling about vasectomy and a prescription for the mini pill as I was still breast-feeding. I took that months worth of the mini pill, have stopped breastfeeding and am absolutely NO CLOSER to figuring out what course of action we are going to pursue to prevent another pregnancy.
We (and I mean Cliff) are sure that we (again I mean Cliff) don’t want anymore children. We (and I mean both of us) are so absolutely grateful to have the two (TWO!!!!) children that we have been blessed with and want to give them everything we possibly can in life. Another baby would seriously hamper our ability to give the two kids we have everything that we want to. Our house is perfect for a family of four. Having that become a family of five would mean more renovations or another house… which is not really part of our plan.
I just cannot wrap my head around actively preventing a pregnancy. Not when so much of my life has been
obsessed focused on achieving it. The fact of the matter is that as much as I still think of myself as someone who is unable to conceive from having sex, the fact is that I can. I did. Twice. So now I have to force myself so see myself as something that for so long I was not. Fertile. Able to conceive. Not wanting an unplanned pregnancy…
My first instinct is to tell Cliff to get a vasectomy (he is willing). But it seems so PERMANENT. What if we find ourselves in a different place in a few years and want a third child (I always wanted three kids growing up)? What if God forbid something happens to me and he remarries and his new wife wants a child with him? What if?
The mirena sounds like a viable option too but it’s expensive to get placed (and not covered by medical aid, surprise surprise) and I’ve read that it doesn’t always agree with everyone who gets it.
I have to tell you, it’s kind of freaking me out.
So. If you’re willing please share your experiences of preventive measures with me. What works? What doesn’t?