More thoughts…

Thank you to everyone who posted comments on my last post…

It seems that my thoughts have caused a ripple in the waters and that was NOT my intention at all, I was not comparing adoption vs pregnancy, was not trying “to judge” an old friend, I was merely putting my thoughts  out there and stated that I did not understand where my friend was coming from based on my own experience… 

So for clarity I will say the following:

My last post was the first time in over a year that I have EVER mentioned what happened between us publically on my blog and I have not discussed what transpired between us with other people despite being asked by several mutual friends what happened.  In every instance I have simply said that what happened between us, was just that – between us.  I stand by that.  I am not going to get into a public slinging match.  I have never asked anyone to choose sides and don’t expect that now.  What I do ask is that respect be given to the fact that two people got very hurt.  Both of us bear scars from the end of our friendship.  

Despite my not being able to understand where she was coming from, I have long forgiven any hurts and have through lots of introspection and prayer, moved on with my life.  What I will say is that anyone who knows me whether online or IRL will know that this was not easy on me either, I suffered a lot during the break down of this friendship, added to all else I was going through in my life. 

I still wish this friend, nothing but the world of happiness, and have never wished anything less for her and her family.

Your comments have led me to make the following acknowledgements:

  • Every mother’s experience is different – and due to this we all react differently to motherhood.  I fully accept that.  However, by accpeting that fact, it does not mean that I can necessarily understand where you are coming from if my experience is different to yours.  I think this is why we share our lives and experiences with others, in the hope that they can learn and gain a small bit of understanding of what our experiences are like.  The fact is, that unless you walk a mile in someone elses shoes, you probably never will “get it”
  • I neglected to consider the very real impacts that PPD, of sick children, support stuctures, a 60 day waiting period and so on and so forth have on one’s motherhood experience.  For this I apologise, but we must look at where my post came from – my own experience with motherhood vs what I had been told it was like for one of my friends. 
  • I fully acknowledge that having 9 months to prepare for the physical aspects of a baby’s arrival is much more convenient and less stressful than having a few days/weeks to prepare in this way when faced with an adoption… I cannot imagine how hectic  it must be trying to get all that sorted in a short period of time and yes in this manner adoption is intrinsically different to a pregnancy.  But that was not what I was refering to, my post referred to the actual mothering of that child once the baby arrived in the world.  Something which again in my experience, nothing can prepare you for…

This is why I love blogging and have missed it so much, it opens our minds and our hearts to experiences of others, which whilst we may not always understand those experiences, we can hopefully learn from them in the long run.

Again, thank you for your comments, they always mean a lot to me.

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9 thoughts on “More thoughts…

  1. Great thoughts. Great opinions. And great to have you back! Women gain lots of different things when they become mothers. Unfortunately, sometimes we lose friends because of it as well. I am sorry you lost that friendship, but know that we are all out here supporting you too! Love you and missed you!

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  2. I agree with you that the best part about blogging is seeing things from a different perspective and being faced with different ideas some/most of which we don’t agree with or understand but just seeing the idea in print does have an affect on us and maybe in a small way can lead us towards a better understanding…

    much love to you and yours.

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  3. I am so sorry that you’ve been put into this situation. I understand that things were difficult for your friend, but I also know what you went through, especially in the last year or two and I understand that you could not have “been there” for your friend as much as she wanted you to be. It’s sad when friendships are lost like this… You are still an incredibly special person in my eyes!

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  4. Life is about journeys, friendships, breakups and breakdowns…..love, hate, forgiveness and acceptance. If we were all the same, no lessons would be learnt. So enjoy your motherhood journey…cause it is uniquely yours….smile

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  5. Good on you my friend for setting the record straight. Finally some sense in the senselessness of of it all.

    You know my thoughts on the “situation”, some things are better left where they are so that you can get on with your life. There will always be people out there that make everything public and a mud slinging match and quite frankly, I think like you do, some things are better kept private because all it does is cause more hurt than is needed.

    I will always be thankful for your true friendship amongst many dark days along our journey to become parents and I wish you all the best with your new journey honey and much love as always Xxx

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