Holidays and Preggo Emotions

We’ve just come back from the most wonderful holiday!  We’ve had some short trips here and there but our last proper holiday was in 2008 – too long ago for my liking!

We went to Plett and it was wonderful.  I had 3 objectives for the holiday…

1. Get a tan

2. Relax and read as much as possible

3. Start to feel Clam move

…and I’m happy to say that all 3 objectives were achieved! 

For once I was careful in the sun – limited my tanning time to maximum 30 minutes in the sun per day and it worked really well!  I came home with a nice base tan that I will be able to continue working on on the weekends at home (should the bloody rain ever stop and the sun decide to shine).

We relaxed like no bodies business!  I read 5 books while away and slept in every morning and just chilled out to the max.  I even managed to get Cliff to spend a whole day at the beach doing nothing but reading, tanning, watching dolphins frolick in the waves, and even dozing in the shade.

And I felt the first movements from our little Clam.  Oh my goodness!  It was so surreal and amazing, I still think back to that night and wonder if it was all in my head but considering that I’m feeling it more and more these days I know it was not my imagination running wild on me.  I was lying in bed one evening (the 19th Jan) and I had my hand over my tummy, I had just finished talking to God and thanking Him for this baby and was just slipping into doze mode when I felt…. it’s weird and hard to describle but it was like an air bubble had burst under my hand.  My eyes flew open and I was like “what???”  I felt two more and was instantly wide awake.  I think I lay there until 04h00 in the morning waiting to feel it again – and didn’t… Our boy he’s a naughty shyte already 😉  Just like his Dad.

Feeling him move inside me is…. amazing, surreal, weird, confusing, wonderful and just plain awesome.  I have spent so many weeks of this pregnancy not really “feeling pregnant” and in awe of the fact that we’ve been given this gift that the movement (as erratic as it is) brings home to me, that yes this is happening and yes we will be having a family at long last.  Its so bizzare…

In chatting to a couple of my friends who are Mom’s after IF via pregnancy it seems that this feeling of “disbelief” for lack of a better word during one’s pregnancy is commonplace.  Many of them look at their babies and still wonder if it wasn’t all a wonderful dream that took place.  And I’m pretty sure it’s that same feeling for all Mom’s after IF – whether you were pregnant, used a surro or were blessed via adoption.  This feeling of such utter surrealness and gratitude. I hope I never forget how blessed I am right now.  And how blessed I’m gonna be come June. 

That being said, I also hope that I never forget what it took to get here. 

The trials and the heartache and the stress about finances, the fights, the utter desperation I felt at times whilst on our journey.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am thankful that I’ve traveled this path.  Its taught me more about myself and my relationships than anything else could ever have taught me.  And having gone through this I am doing what I can to help others who face the same/similar challenges that we did.  I’m involved with councelling IF ladies at my church and do what I can on the Fertilicare forum (altho I’ve been useless there, have not been active since my GIFT failed last year) cos if there is one thing I’ve realised is that ppl who face IF need support and help.  I did.  And I got it.  In spades.  From family, friends, friends in the computer, ppl I’ve never met, ppl I have met.  Such amazing wonderful support, I just hope that I give that back in some small way.

I do feel however that now being pregnant, that support might not be as welcome as it was before – and I totally get it.  I know that when I was still battling to overcome our challenges, getting advice from a newly preggo or a preggo IF did not always sit well in my bitter soul…. so I try and support and advise gently, softly and only if welcomed… I know how hard it can be to be on the “waiting” side of the coin.

So yes.  This is where I’m at right now.  Grateful and thankful.  For it all.  The bad and the good.  Cos without the bad I would not be “in the good”.

And for your viewing pleasure here are some pics from our holiday (we forgot the camera at home – we’re assholes) taken via BlackBerry… I’ve added a page called belly pics so if you’re interested you can have a look and see how I’m progressing on that front as well…

Until next time…

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9 thoughts on “Holidays and Preggo Emotions

  1. Love your new look and thanks for the update. So happy that you’re starting to feel him. I felt both of mine really late and I think it was also partly due to disbelief. I spent all of my pregnancy with Zoe convinced that it was really happening and it took a good while after her birth to finally realise that she was safely here and wasn’t going anywhere. I’m not sure if it’s because we’re so used to all the disappointments that we’re trying to protect ourselves in case anything bad happens. Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes by quickly and as easily as possible.

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  2. Well done on the holiday…! I am very happy to hear that your babbetjies is starting to move. It is the most awesome private feeling. My hands rarely left my belly…smile.
    Enjoy every moment…you have been truely blessed.

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  3. I have to tell you that your love and support has been so welcomed. Your comments on my blog, on fertilicare and even emails are awesome and help me to know how amazing the team is that is supporting me in the background (even if we have never met face to face). Please know that your support will always be welcomed by me. You have faced this battle like a champ and come out a winner. I am definitely up to hearing from someone with the strength to do that. Huge Hugs.

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  4. It’s just so awesome Sam, that God has blessed you with your son at last, and that in doing so you can use it to His glory for those IF’s who are still in the trenches. I too still look back in disbelief that yes, I actually survived IF and yes, this is really my little girl!

    May the Lord continue to bless you as you progress in your journey!

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  5. Our very, very special Sammy. I had huge tears in my eyes reading this. It IS amazing – this whole experience. No one can prepare you for the ‘amazingness’ of it all. You cannot grasp it until you are there. I am so excited to read more and hear more from you. Especially when your precious boy is born and grows and gets character and .. just is. I’m so excited to read about you being a mommy.

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  6. I can’t believe I’ve missed out so much of your news. The first thing that comes into my mind is that apart from divine miracles, a whole lot of healing has gone on. This is so incredibly uplifting to read!

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