How a Chemical messes with your head…

… while you waiting for your results of your next treatment…

During my last 2ww I remember feeling a few “symptoms” that I thought were strange but which ultimately led me to believe with my whole heart that I was pregnant.  I was tired pretty much all the time even though I was getting enough sleep.  My breasts were tender.  I had on/off cramps for mostly the last week of the 2ww.  I had some lower back pain.  And I had a weird temperature thing going down.  My neck and shoulders would get super hot and then the heat would taper off for a while, then super hot, then taper off.  And my tummy area just above my bikini line had the same temperature thing (very clinical description don’t you think?) happening.

All of the above “symptoms” could be attributed to the progesterone I know, but at the time they were not cos of progesterone being shot into my butt daily, they *were* because something had tried to nestle into my endometrium, had started growing and then just stopped.

A lot of people are asking me how I’m feeling during this heck long wait after my GIFT.  And I know they don’t mean emotionally.  They want to know if I’m feeling any of the above symptoms that I felt last time round cos then it would give us a little clue as to whether I am indeed knocked up this time or not…

This is the thing. 

I’m not really feeling too much right now.  I am tired, but not overly so. I have the weird temperature thing happening as well.  And the odd cramp and shooting pain here and there.  That’s about it.

I am hoping that this has worked but in the back of my mind I’m not sure.  Swing, swing, swing.  Back and forth, I might be, I might not be.  I always thought it would be better to know that your body can fall pregnant, and while knowing that something happened in my ute last year does give me a certain measure of hope and comfort, it also messes with your head BIG time.

Because you automatically start looking for the same things, you start second guessing everything you’re feeling and thinking.  I kind of miss being that girl who was so dead sure of a pregnancy last year.  I  miss that I was reveling in the fact that my body was telling me in its own subtle way that I was close to creating a life.  And that this time, I am not sure at all.  This time I am close to driving myself to an insane asylum.

I guess there is only one way to get through the next 6 days – one little bite of the elephant at a time.

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22 thoughts on “How a Chemical messes with your head…

  1. I absolutely know how you feeling. The cycle after my m/c was exactly the same, I was searching for the same symptoms as the last time. The problem is that you experience the same symptoms and then you dont know whether you are making it up or not. I actually started heaving the one day which was exactly how I felt in my BFP cycle. This part f^&cks with your head so incredibly badly that you feel like you want to explode. At the end of the day symptoms actually dont help, you can be absolutely symptom-free and still get a +, each pregnancy is different (according to my fertile friends) and you just have to keep on reminding yourself that.

    PS Im more interested in your emotional state than your symptoms…

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  2. Thinking of you. My FS said it’s impossible to have symptoms in the first two weeks of a pregnancy. I don’t know, I think the medical profession doesn’t accept anything without scientific proof, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there. Like you said, you can drive yourself crazy trying to work it out! I can’t give any advice, but I can just say, dammit I hope this is a BFP!

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  3. My head is capable of creating symptoms even without progesterone – I’ve managed to have “morning sickness” during an entirely unmedicated 2WW (which ended in a BFN). On the two occasions that I’ve been pregnant for real I’ve had no symptoms whatsoever until about 6 weeks. Those six days must feel like forever to you. I’m sorry you’re feeling a bit crazy, it’s a crap way to feel even if it’s perfectly understandable.

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  4. I hear you and so relate! Its a total mind ****! As Sophie says, the signs are not “reliable”. So many times I convinced myself I was pregnant, only because I knew the “signs” and then have my hopes crushed with a BFN. The thing is, between the stress of the wait, the mind **** of a previous chemical or pregnancy and the progesterone, one simply cannot be sure of anyting. But I’m still hoping for the best for you!

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  5. I hear you. Whenever I would start overly analyzing every twitch and possible symptom, I would try to calm myself by reminding myself that I was doing everything to allow my body to nourish a pregnancy and that nothing I was doing would change the answer. It helped me to stop obsessing during the last couple negative cycles and this positive cycle.

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  6. hell – what do I know… I thought my symptoms were glandular fever… so I am not a reliable scientific source…. BUT, I just wanted to say that I am thinking and hoping and wishing and praying for you x-x

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  7. Oh my friend there is no doubt that this is by far the hardest wait for you. I wish I could share the elephant with you & make it go quicker!
    XXX

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  8. I don’t believe in signs any more. Honestly, I’m so fed up with twinges and tiredness and nausea and waking up in the middle of the night etc. So I hope that no matter what you feel this time you’ll get a super duper BFP. Love, Fran

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  9. Thinking of you my friend, I wish that this was easier. Here for you every single step of the way (whether you lose those marbles or not ;))

    Love always Xxx

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  10. Oh Sam, this extra long wait is a doozie especially after all you have been through. I’m waiting down the minutes with you and hoping for a beautiful surprise at the end of all this. Hang in there, sweetie.

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  11. So, less than a week now…

    Symptoms are a weird thing. I had none with my DD 7 years ago, and had plenty with some of my pregnancies that didn’t make it. With my IVF cycle, I had symptoms but kept blaming the progesterone. I don’t give a lot of faith into symptoms.

    Your long wait is almost over…I’m praying with all my heart for you!!!!

    ((HUGS))

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  12. Waiting is really, really horrible. I hope that time begins clipping along at a good pace these next few days of the wait. More than that, I hope you get good news on the 2nd!

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