I’ve been holding out on you

I’ve been busy the last 8 days. 

Busy stimming for our GIFT.  I know I should probably have said something but I honestly did not feel like I could handle putting it  all out here again  about my follies and my lining.  It’s so…. overdone on my blog.  I always stim well.  I always have great follies.  I always have great lining.  I always have great embryo’s. 

Up until now it’s the getting pregnant part that I’ve really sucked at.  But I am hoping with all my scared, anxious, excited, muted happy heart that this time will be different.  That my upcoming GIFT will be the turning point in our journey to have a family.

I’ve stimmed superbly this cycle – after only 8 days of stim I face trigger in the face tonight and tomorrow morning.  (Lucrin trigger hence the two jabs) My GIFT will be on Saturday.  A friend said it would be cool to know that my “babies” are on board for Valentines Day, and in a way it does make me feel pretty cool.  That on the day of global love, I can lovingly pray for my turn to be now in His time.  And I can pray for peace in my heart and for fear to be banished as well.

Cos I am really scared.  Underneath the still water this swan is furiously paddling and she’s scared.  I can’t even begin to imagine a negative outcome on this cycle cos the thought of that is just really too much to bare.  

If you feel led to pray for us (despite my having held out on you guys who offer such amazing support all the time) I would appreciate any prayers at this time.  Prayers for peace, confidence and for my eggs to fertilise well with Cliff’s sperm on Saturday once they are put back into my tube.  For the left over eggs (if we have any) to fertilize well in the lab.  For the fruit we’ve been believing for.

Prayer at the time in our lives and in our journey that we choose to believe will be our turning point.  Roll on Saturday, that’s all I can say.

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28 thoughts on “I’ve been holding out on you

  1. Wow, that is excellent stimming! Did they incr your dose? I will be thinking, praying and holding my breath for you!! Its a very scary time and I dont blame you for “paddling”. Im sending lots of love on Saturday! xxx

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  2. My dear, you have been in my thoughts a lot, and you’ll be in my prayers too. I never ask you why you do GIFT instead that normal IVF, in my case it was so unfortunate having 2 ectopics that I would have dreaded a transfer in the tubes, but I know there are some pros such as the most likely place the embryo will be at that time of development. I wonder if you can tell me more about it (when you have time!! no pressure!). All my love, thoughts and prayers that this will be the cycle. Are you doing intralipids too? Be positive, there will be time to think about what to do “if”. Not now, your energy cannot be wasted(I know I have been the worse example lately of positive thinking…but it’s still a good advice!). Fran

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  3. So it was you that I sat next to at the Clinic..next time I will say “Hello”
    Now, I will tell you why I think this will work for you. My B and I are both “Valentines Babies”…so it is a very good sign…smile. I will be sending you all my positive vibes

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  4. Hey Sam thinking of you lots and praying for you. Yep – you just need to try and stay positive as difficult as it is. I am sure many of us understand wanting to keep things quiet sometimes so dont worry about it.Call me when you need to talk sweetie and no getting out of bed too quickly tomorrow:).

    Lots and lots of love
    Sweepea

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  5. You will be just fine, I know it deep down in my heart. It is your turn now my sweet friend.

    You know I’m here for you now matter what and i’m not gonna be that far behind you!!

    Love you buddy 😉

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  6. Roll on Saturday! I’m praying for you, hard. And it’s prefectly fine that you didn’t want to talk about it! It’s your blog and furthermore, I think everyone understands the need for some personal time.

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  7. I am late to the game and hoping that everything went great. May there be magic happening in your tubes right now as they are on their way to the home they will have for the next 9 months. Hang in there, Sam.

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  8. I just came on to check on you and I saw this post. I am praying for you as always. I really hope this works. What a wonderful Valentines Day wish. xxxoooxxx

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