Stressful Week

/ Sam

Holy crapballs, I’ve had a stressful week. 

Work has been so over the top and I’ve been crazy busy and super stressed out.  I’m not going to pull a Dooce and discuss work on my blog and get fired but suffice it say – Holy Crapballs!   We’ve had our internet cut at work due to some hectic viruses that caused a few hard drives to crash (and cos of this we have not been paid yet – yikes!) so my updates are probably going to be sporadic for the next while.

My heart has taken a bit of a beating.  Bad, good, overwhelming, guilt, stress, sadness, happiness and more have been buffering my heart from all angles.  Between the stress of work this week, news that my Dad has got a very rare form of leukemia (not got a lot of details but things are not looking good for him at all, but that’s for another post), my amazing friend getting her miracle baby, my other friend progressing well with a pregnancy that could very well have co-incided with my own should it have been viable, me feeling like a complete failure, being told that a friend’s boyfriend (who admittedly has got many things like this right) believes my next treatment will work 16 weeks after my failed treatment and I’ll end up having a son, being told that another friend dreamed my GIFT worked and I was pregnant with boy/girl twins, my other friend getting a fricking negative, my in-laws being stressed about us and offering to help pay for our GIFT next year and me feeling guilty about accepting their money, admittedly I’m a bit of a mess. 

I’m on the brink of tears all the time and while I’m trying to be strong and I’m trying to stay grounded in my faith, truth is I’m floundering.  All I can hope is that next week is way less stressful and that my heart can start to get back to some semblance of normal.  Because I hate feeling like this, I hate being this person, it is so unlike me and somehow, someway I need to find me in all of this.

35 thoughts on “Stressful Week”

  3. Hugs Sam! I’m very sorry that things have to be so tough for you. I am incredibly sorry also for your dad and what him and you have to go through.

    Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!!!

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  6. Oh Sam! That is so much for one heart to bear, especially the news about your dad. I’m so sorry. I’m praying for you, my dear friend. I have been in the fire too and I haven’t forgotten how it burns. I’m praying that you are surprised by joy much sooner than you dream possible. Keep hanging on.

    xoxoxo

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  8. Oh Honey, sometimes we need a time out to just catch up emotionally with the things life is throwing at us. I hope work becomes less stressful to give you a bit of a time out. In the mean time sending you hugs and strength.

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  10. oh good grief and “festive” season doesn’t help either. All the booze and food and get togethers when all you want is to sob in a corner. Take some time to look after you. Cry if you need to. Holding it in is not good for your body. So sorry to hear about your Dad. Internet hugs!

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  11. My friend I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. we really have too get together when things settle down. I wish I could make things better for you.
    XXX

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  12. so sorry you having a crap time! Been having my own fair share of it too! Maybe we should go out for a drink and get slammed and end off crying into our beers? I hope you feel better soon my friend x ((((HUGS))))

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  13. Sam, my heart is aching with yours. The shit seems to all hit at once, doesn’t it? I am so sorry you are feeling underneath it all, you are so right, you need to find yourself. I hope the holidays and some time for yourself will make you feel a bit better. I am so sorry about your dad too, something I can relate to quite well too. My dad has lymphoma, and well, that is another long story. I know how hard all this must be for you. So I am sending my love, and all the best for you.
    xxxxx

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  14. Sweetie….first of all a big, gentle and long hug. It’s not easy to get over a loss, and the weird thing is that when you think you are better and finally turning the page, another sting of pain comes your way. And it’s too much at a one time. Let it out. Nobody expects you to be perfect and strong all the time. There is definitely hope for the future, I know you know this, but your soul has to heal first. I wish you a very peaceful Christmas and a great 2010. It has to be our year. Much much love, Fran

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  15. Sweet Sam, this is really really difficult! Please don’t beat yourself up. Allow yourself some flounder time and some tears. Thinking of you! I’m here if you need me.

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  16. Sounds like things are a bit hectic on your side, and with so much going on I can completely understand your feelings of not being fully grounded. Take special care of yourself precious Clam! Hope things calm down a bit for you to digest all that’s going on around and inside yourself. Can’t wait to share your day of joy my friend.

    Luv ya! M xxx

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  17. oh choeks – sorry about all that 😦 sending you some hugs!
    my parents lend us money too – don’t feel guilty – just understand that they want this almost as badly as you guys do and that they’d do pretty much anything for their children. that’s what my mom always tells me.
    xxx
    (oh, ps, i love holy crapballs – mind if I borrow it from time to time?)

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  18. Geez Sam, what a shite week! I’m so sorry things are so hard for you right now. You need to stop beating yourself up about it all & stop being such a saint – nobody expects you to under the circumstances. It must be friggin exhausting! The guilt and regret wont change a thing so why bother with it. Look after yourself and your fragile heart for now. Things will seem better one day soon. One day at a time is really the only way to get through these times. ((HUGS))

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  19. Shooo..Sam, that is alot for one heart to carry. Take it slow, be good to yourself..control what you can and let go of the rest. This time will pass…Sending you lots of positive energy (and remember, a good cry is healthy..)

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  20. That is a heck of a of lot of stuff to deal with,Sam. Pretty overwhelming. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel.
    If you are like me, these out of control times are so uncomfortable because the urge to order everything and make sense of it all is so tempting.
    Even though you don’t fell grounded, God still has hold of you and he will not let go!
    x

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  21. I’m so sorry you’ve had so much stress! I pray that things will work out much better than expected for your Dad and that you’ll get good news on the treatment front very soon. My prayers are with you!

    ~ICLW~

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  22. I stopped by from ICLW and was struck by your blog. You’ve got a lot going on. I will pray for your family, as your dad’s health is not good. IF is an added stress to all of life’s every day stress. I wish you many blessings in 2010!

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  24. yesss, i am not the only person in the world that says “holy crapballs!!!” now i have written proof of it, lol,
    im not all that looney, i just wanted to make u laugh and not focus on the sad parts.

    i am sorry your are going through such a stressfull time, i am sending you a virtual batch of triple chocolate chip brownies and some hugs 😉

    ICLW hugs!

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  26. I hope that all your friends are right in their predictions! (maybe more so the twins then the single) … double the love baby!

    I am sorry that you are so stressed with everything and prayers for your Dad. I hope you are able to enjoy the holidays!

    ~ICLW~

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  30. I am so sorry to hear about your bad week and your father’s diagnosis. I know the feeling of when it rains, it pours. Here is to a less stressful time for you and a better 2010.
    ICLW

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