The emotions are rolling.
From sadness, to anger, to dispair, to hope, to holycraphowcouldthishavehappenedtousagain, to sadness, to hope and so we roll on and on and on.
Sometimes this really just feels like someone is playing an incredibly cruel joke on us. It feels like the results were not chemical but actually good.
I suppose I should have known. I believed with all my heart that I was pregnant and that IVF # 3 (or 4 if you count FET’s which I don’t) was going to be THE one. And to a small degree I was right. I was just not right enough.
I had an extremely weird dream on Friday morning. I dreamt we were going in for our beta. We walked into a busy gym and Stephan met us at the door and told me to hop onto the treadmill get my my veins ready for the beta. I ran on the treadmill for 5 minutes and then hopped onto the dildo cam bed and I saw in his face it was over…. I woke up and then you all know how the rest of the day panned out… Surreal. Clearly my subconscious was telling me this was not the one.
We’re meeting the FS later today to discuss our options. We’re going to discuss a lot with him – most of all GIFT.
Looking at the silver lining in all of this – at least we got one step closer this time. At least not all hope is lost. At least we still have each other. At least we are alive to stand another day.
Many prayers that I’ve said for others have been answered. One HUGE one just today. And one day, one day our prayers for ourselves (and those of you who pray for us too – thank you so much) will be answered too.