The Conundrum

So I’m sitting with a pretty little conumdrum in my head right now.  Before I got the amazing new job (which is still amazing btw – wheeeeeee) we were planning on doing a September IVF.  We thought that the whole spring, start of new life season would help us get a new life going on inside my tummy.  But at the same time before I got the amazing new job, I was honestly pooping myself to do another treatment while working in hell.  I knew that the environment I was in and the hours I was working would not be condusive to a relatively stress free treatment – I mean lets face it IVF is stressful enough right?

So now I’m at amazing new job and we’re thinking of starting again in November.  And I feel…. guilty stressed confused about this decision.  I REALLY want to move ahead with our plans, but at the same time I feel bad about starting treatment so soon after starting a new job.  When we kick off the treatment I’d have been working here for just on 3 months.  And if we should be successful (please God let our next one be successful) then by the time I told everyone (only at 12 weeks) I would have worked here for just on 6 months.  If we were successful by the time a baby actually came I would have been working here for just on 1 year.  I just don’t know how my new boss will react if I tell him I’m pregnant just on 6 months into my new job.

On one hand I look at it from a manager’s perspective, and I realised that I would not be too impresssed with a member of my team announcing a pregnancy so early in their work like to me, but in the real world people fall pregnant all the time and I would suck it up and deal with it.  On the other hand I think with my heart and my desires and I’m like “lets just do it and if we get a pregnancy out of it I’ll handle the consequences”. 

I guess I’m just tired of putting it off for a better time.  Cos honestly?  When is going to be a better time?  When I’ve worked here for 2 years? 3 years? Never?  And if I’m really open about it, a large part of the reason why I found the new amazing job was so that I would have more of an opportunity of treatment working…

Gah, I’m so torn today about this decision, but on other days I’m steadfast with what we’ve decided to do.

If in my shoes, what would YOU do??


20 thoughts on “The Conundrum

  1. Sam, please don’t put your life on hold to suit someone else. Do what YOU feel is right and trust your gut and God. You can’t go wrong there.

    Keeping you in my prayers and thoughts.


  2. Budg you know my thoughts on this…..
    I’m of the opinion (like you) that IVF is stressful enough, so you don’t need to go into it with the world of guilt sitting on your shoulders and feeling bad about it. Also, now you work in a similar industry to me – retail based – November and December are HELL, you’ll be on your feet rushing around. I’ve always put my IVF’s off till Jan/Feb because of the industry we’re in, its just an easier time to take time off, feel sick or take it easy, without the guilt and stress of the environment which is highly seasonal.
    I’ve been/I am in your shoes, and if my FET fails, I’m going to wait till Jan to try again. Kick back, enjoy the festive season and NOT have to worry about my crazy hectic job in the middle of a cycle.
    All the best with whatever you decide!


  3. Sam, you can’t plan life….we of all people should know that! Dont let work be a factor in deciding when to do treatment. Woman who try naturally would probably not even give it a thought. If I were you I would go for it! xxx


  4. Very tricky Sam but IMHO wait till next year. You’ll feel alot more comfortable at your job and you’ll also hopefully have a nice time with your family over Christmas and be mentally ready for that successful IVF next year.


  5. Only you can make that decision. What I can say is you can never please everybody and you have to do what you feel is right for you. But perhaps Sharon also has a point, if that will be a very busy time at work for you then maybe wait for that to pass so that you aren’t quite as busy during that time and have to deal with huge emotional stress at the same time.

    I will also say this, I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts and you will know in your heart what is the right decision for you.


  6. I would do the IVF, stop waiting for tomorrow, because if you do that, tommorrow will never come.
    Good Luck with whatever you decide.


  7. I would do it. Non-IF people fall pregnant all the time and they dont feel guilty for it. You are such a caring spirit – thinking of others before yourself!


  8. Hmmmm, interesting! Isn’t it irritating to go round in circles with a decision 🙂 I think that there is never a good time, BUT I think that you need to feel comfortable with the decision. Would you feel better about it in a couple of months or is that not going to change. I’ve been going to Reiki and she keep telling me that all the answers are inside me. Give yourself some quiet time, reflect and pray and it will be there.


  9. I accepted a new job the same month we found out we needed IVF. I, too, thought it right to wait a year and blah blah blah. We did end up waiting 6 months, but not because of the job, only because of money issues. I think regular people can wait and make plans…I don’t think those of us needing ART can really afford too. You never know. And as another commenter said, if you get pregnant…you’ll work it out. OF course in the end for me, I didn’t get pregnant for one year after all, but my boss was completely supportive.

    In the end it is all up to you…not waiting is only my opinion. The only time we have is now is kind of where I live these days.


  10. Only you will know how busy you’ll be in November and how this will impact you, but let that be your only consideration because nothing in this life should take priority over family and that is what you’re trying to build. Time is precious, don’t hold off for arbitrary reasons, only if you think your workload would affect you negatively. If what Sharon says is true for you as well, then maybe Jan/Feb is a better time, maybe you’re not phased at all by your workload over November? Only you will know, but in essence the sooner the better. You will work something out when you fall pregnant, but first things first, treatment is your priority.


  11. i once employed a girl who told me on her first day she was pregnant. I had about five minutes of irritation and then got over it. Don’t stress about it. If people employ women of childbearing age, these things are expected (and budgeted for)


  12. I wouldn’t delay. Like you say people get pregnant all the time and no time is going to convenient for your employer, so do it when it seems right for you.


  13. I say do it. You can get another job later if you have to, but your bits aren’t getting any younger. Plus as you quite rightly pointed out, if you just fell pregnant the way many do you’d just deal with it and so would your boss.


  14. I agree with your statement that people fall pregnant all the time and so you just deal with it. Forget about everything else, all these other considerations. If you two want to go for it, just do it. 🙂


  15. Go with your gut.

    Like you said, people fall pregnant all the time. We, “IF”ers try to plan everything. But we can only plan so much.

    If you’re ready, then go for it! 🙂


  16. I’d do it, because if it happens, deal with it then. Selfishly, like you said, so many others just “fall pregnant” and honestly, that’s just part of life. Your manager will have to deal. It’ll suck for you to tell him/her, and it’ll be awkward, but you have to put you first.


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