I often think about how life works. How some people get lumped with infertility and others don’t. How some people have to deal with finding out that their partner has cheated on them and others don’t. How some people have to deal with terminal illness and others don’t. The list is endless…
I think about what makes one fall into the one group or the other. Is it about retribution for the bad things you’ve done in your past? Is it about a great big scoreboard in the sky and you get points deducted for certain items you are not aware of which leads to your “punishment”?
Cos often I feel like this path I have to tread is a ‘punishment’ for some past error in judgement or wrong doing against another. I think of what I could have done in my life to deserve this path. But in reality it’s not about balancing the scales of wrong doing in past = punishment in your future. It is what it is. A path you walk, learn from, grow from and live with. When I really consider all things in the greater scheme, it’s not as bad as some other trials people have to face out there.
Yesterday Shaz and I had an interesting conversation on Skype about the theory of reaping what you sow. She made a valid point that if this theory holds true in all things in life, then in her case she would have sowed something in her past to reap her journey, and that would mean that she deserved her miscarriages etc. This really got me thinking. As a Christian the importance of sowing and reaping is a ‘theory’ that I believe in strongly. You sow love, good deeds, money or whatever and you are then expecting to receive a harvest of love, good deeds, money or whatever pressed down shaken together and running over. Right? But then what happens if you sow hate, (for lack of a better word) bad deeds etc? Then if the sowing and reaping philosophy holds true then surely you reap hate, bad deeds etc in the same manner? Right?
So does that mean that people who have challenges thrown at them sowed something challenging to reap this in return? Or is it just a case of shit happens?
If you are a Christian (but not limited to Christians), I really want to hear your thoughts on this one… I plan to chat to some people I fellowship with about this too… it’s something that is going round and round in my head.
Communiqué 
Don’t u think that the whole reaping what you sow thing is contradictory. Because on the one hand we’re taught as Christians that God is a loving God and that he sent his son to pay for our sins but on the other hand we’re taught that we reap what we sow??? I don’t buy that for a second. I think the hard part with it all is weeding out what is actually from God and what is man’s interpretation there of.
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Completely separate from any theological beliefs, I believe that most bad events like IF and terminal illness are random (shit happens). Some like a partner cheating may be less random since you picked the partner and also may or may not have had some role in the relationship problems that preceded the cheating. There are also forms of IF for example where it’s a more of a reap/sow issue, such as a woman who has had a dozen abortions in the past and caused permanent damage, but most of us never did anything to cause IF — although many of us blame ourselves anyway.
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I would tend to be on the side of “shit happens” but for a while I thought I was punished probably for the fact that I was quite mean to my younger sister when we were small…it happens that she was born around Christmas time and so we had a picture of her under the Christams tree…well, the evil little me (I’m only three years older!) started telling her hat she was adopted. And she believed me! She only found out that it wasn’t true when she was around 10…So I thought for a little whiel that maybe I didn’t deserve to have my own children. Now I think it’s just my path. Hopefully there is light at the end of the tunnel. Love, Fran
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Who knows? I have to say with Bianca I never really asked “why us?” I never really got angry about it even though it would be so easy to do that. I remember when she was admitted to hospital and before we got her diagnosis I prayed very very hard that it would be something they could cure and something they could treat, she was diagnosed with leukemia which is highly treatable and has a high success rate. I look at our journey and I honestly feel as if it enabled us to grow, it taught us many things, it introduced us to some wonderful people out there and most of all we were able to share our story and create awareness and in a way inspire others, perhaps give them hope. I don’t regret our journey. It is not to say that it wasn’t difficult at times or challenging at times or emotionally draining, because we had moments like those, but it wasn’t all bad.
Of course our journey also has a bit of an ironic twist to it in that I once had a very toxic friend and the friendship broke down before Bianca was born and this friend whose son was often unwell with some or the other infection lashed out in anger at me and said “I hope your child will be as sick as mine and worse”. Little did she know then that her wish would eventually come true.
I often thought that perhaps we were chosen to walk the leukemia road because we were not strong enough and needed to rely more on God and learn more about us or perhaps that we were strong enough to handle it and I guess help spread a message that there can be hope, that life is what you make of it despite what you have to deal with. That we can’t choose what happens in life, but we can choose how we handle it. I will never really know why we were chosen for this road and this journey.
I don’t believe you did anything wrong, I don’t believe that you did something to create the road you walk now. I can’t say why you were chosen to walk the road you were chosen to walk. But I do believe that through your story you offer inspiration to others and that they are able to learn so much from you.
Keeping you in my prayers and thoughts
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Sometimes, I find it hard to believe that I am not being punished for something, usually I think it is because I had a baby out of wedlock.
But then I think, what did I do to deserve all the other abuse I had to endure as a child? Is Josh my prize for putting up with the beatings, the molesting, the pure hell I was exposed to? and if so why am I where I am now? This is what my head tells me.
But I allow my heart to dicate what God is to me.. I know I have a forgiving God and a God that works miracles. I know he loves me just like a father should and I KNOW that all things in HIM are possible. I know that He hurts through my hurt and it was never His intention to lay these burdens on me, and all he asks is for us to lay our burdens onto HIM so that He can carry them.
I know that in prayer and faith my divine will come to me whether it is in this life or not I know I will have whatever I want in my eternal life.
So my answer to your question : No, God loves you and he will never punish you for something, simply because you are His child and you have asked Him forgiveness.
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i would love to know the answer to this! cause yes i have made mistakes in my life and am i been punished for this? well i believe not cause I have confessed and asked for fogiveness and God has forgiven my sins and He does not hold grudges…
So why some of us suffer from illnes, infertility, etc I have no idea…all i know is that it sucks and it hurts but i have to believe that it makes us stronger people and helps us grow… and it makes us learn more about ourselves and others than we may have otherwised knowm… but it still sucks and it still hurts!
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The religion I follow totally whips out the Karma Korma deal!
If you have done something…in this life or the past…it will come back to you in this life or the next….but you are bound to pay for what you have done…
And imagine maintaining an accounting journal…every good deed and bad deed is getting a mention at some place….
Don’t even get me started because I am infertile as I had killed a cow and somebody from my in-laws side killed a snake.
Aaaaaargh!
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Being a Christian does not exempt one from troubles – look at Zacharias and Elizabeth in Luke 1:5-7: “There was in the days of Herod, the king of Judea, a certain priest named Zacharias, of the division of Abijah. His wife was of the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elizabeth. And they were both righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless. But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren, and they were both well advanced in years.”
Please understand that they were human and were not “sinless”, but they were “righteous before God”, and “walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord”. Even though they were good people they still had to deal with infertility until “they were both well advanced in years.” This could not have been a case of reaping what they were sowing….
If you want another example you can also read the book of Job – he was also a righteous man who was tested to the extreme. I find that the following scripture consoles me in difficult times – John 16:33 (Amp): “In Christ I have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world I have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but I can be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For Christ has overcome the world. [He has deprived it of power to harm me and has conquered it for me.]
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Sam if I understand sowing and reaping, and I might be very wrong here, then you can only reap what you have sown. So unless I sowed incurable illness and you sowed infertility, then I cannot see how we can be reaping incurable illness and infertility. I don’t know why people suffer, all I can hope for, is that somehow I will learn what I need to learn from this and carry. I also truly believe, that absolutely NO-ONE deserves to suffer like this, no matter what they did in their past. Our past is afterall forgiven us, not so? So no, I don’t think this is a sowing and reaping thing, at all.
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Phew, thought provoking post.
All I can say is that you should heed God’s voice. If you feel pressed that this might be an issue for you spiritually, then there might be substance to it, listen and surrender yourself to it and follow where it leads you.
My Mom counsels people from a Christian point of view with this issue as central actor on the stage of resolving problems. Some people think she’s insane, others have found freedom after years and years of suffering and have found resolution for problems that seemed insurmountable by clergy and medicine.
I still find it very hard to believe that we can be held accountable and suffer for unknown wrongs, but have resigned myself to the possibility that it might be possible in SOME instances.
I spent a lot of time praying the past few months and cannot help but wonder that perhaps a certain event came to my attention of which I was completely unaware of because I was seeking and asking God for guidance and illumination of possible problems/curses/sins.
We will never know in full, but if we are Christian and we have committed ourselves to biblical truth we have a special responsibility to heed the warnings and guidance in the Bible. This life is but temporary and the trails will pass, but the truth is eternal and the truth will set you free. Seek it in God’s Word.
I don’t try to punt false hope ‘cause there isn’t always an immediate and clear cut answer, but like the butterfly needs to struggle out of his caterpillar state, so we sometimes need to travail in our faith before we can finally spread our wings and be free.
I don’t want to ad to your troubles by telling you this, rest in God’s peace and be open to hear his voice and heed his guidance. He is the rewarder of those who diligently seek him and if there is something in your life that needs sorting out and you are open to God’s guidance, He will lead the way and give two steps towards you for every step you step toward Him.
So much to say about God’s wondrous mysteries, to say that we understand it all would be arrogance, that’s why He is called God and that’s why we will always be able to discover new dimensions and deeper truths. Best of luck on the journey, holding you in my prayers.
M xxx
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I, personally, believe in the “reap what you sow” idea…but only to a certain extent. For example, if you’re having unprotected sex and you get pregnant, you can’t use the excuse of “I didn’t think it would happen” or “it was an accident” (not b/c of IF, just those “normal” ppl). Or, say you are caught stealing, there’s a consequence to that, be it jail time or some sort of punishment. There are always consequences to our actions, whether good or bad. I believe God is a forgiving God, just like He says He is. He gives mercy and grace and unconditional love to his children. However, he gave us free will, and with that comes repercussions to what we choose to do. I do not think God punishes his children with IF, Cancer, or Death. I do not believe that IF is a result for something we did in the past and now God is punishing us. Granted, I felt that way many times, even though I knew in my heart that was not the case.
I guess you could say that I believe when you CHOOSE to do something, good or bad, there will be something that comes of it, good or bad…and that is sewing and reaping. However, I don’t believe in a God that punishes with IF and incurable diseases.
I find that there are some things in life (i.e. IF) that “just happens.” Yes, there are reasons for most infertility and there are medical interventions that can possibly work in those cases…but it’s never fair for some to have to work for what they want and others to get it so easily.
Keep searching and praying. There are reasons behind our struggles, even if we don’t see them now. We may never truly understand until we see Him face to face, but He has promised to be there with you to hold your hand through the journey.
(((hugs)))
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I tend to think that most everything falls under the “shit happens” category. It is what we ultimately do with that “shit” that really matters.
I think we are all so interconnected that it becomes too difficult to figure out who is being punished (if that is the way it really happens anyway). When someone is inflicted with a horrible illness, it is not only them who suffers. Their family, friends, coworkers, etc. all suffer to some extent too. For those of us with IF, our parents may suffer worry that they caused it to happen, our friends may suffer guilt that it happens so easy for them.
We all suffer at different times in different ways – some are public, some are private, but we all suffer in some way.
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OK – Sam! Can open, worms everywhere!
Because before I had my “Happily ever after” I saw the back side of hell… something I haven’t shared publicly on my blog or with many people, and during those dark days, I often used to ask ” What could I have possibly have done, to deserve punishment like this?”
And I searched and researched and finally found comfort in this answer:
God unfortunately has lost some control of the western world. And as such, He does not have control of everything. However, He is always there. He may not be able to stop bad things from happening, but He is always there to comfort and show direction when they do.
It’s the only explanation I have. And I cling to it. Because when days are dark, without your faith, what else do you have?
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I can see how one would go here.As a VERY lapsed catholic we have this drummed into our heads.Be good,do good and the lord will reward you ..here or in heaven.
This all falls down in my eyes when I think about 2 year olds with cancer/or other hideous illnesses that they will sufer with and probably not recover. What did they do? How does a 2 year old put ‘bad stuff’ out there? The last time I checked it wasn’t a cardinal sin to suck your thumb or mispronounce someone’s name.
In my opinion sweetie, you don’t deseerve this-none of us do.God would not be so cruel as to do such a painful thing.Look at all of the horrible people in the world who do have kids and don’t want them or love them and even abuse/neglect them. I don’t get it. I do hope with all sincerity that you get to be a mom sooner than later.You’ll be great at it.
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Im in the “shit happens” camp, its just the hand we have been dealt and the way they we come out of it the other side is what counts. I could write a flippn book about this but for now this is what I believe.
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I’ve been dealing with a wicked case of survivor’s guilt and wondering the same things, Sam. Please, let me know. I really don’t know. I cannot believe that someone as wonderful and genuine and kind and good as you is being punished for something. I just can’t believe that.
I won’t believe that.
Love to you, Sweet Sam.
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Hey Sam,
HOpe you are well long time no hear!! I have to comment on the above i don’t for one minute believe God is a cruel God, he is def a loving God and only wants to give his children the best but however i do question the journeys we all have to travel and i will sit and ponder on this over and over. I mean i think i had a baby out of wedlock and why would God have allowed me to give birth to this child if it was all wrong and evil, surely there is a reason 2 years ago i use to think maybe he knew that would be my only child hence the reason of falling preggies at 18 and hey 5years later after a crappy struggle i am now carrying another little bean, yes i have asked for forgiveness which i am sure everyone has so then what is the reason, and i still believe God is not cruel and he will give us his blessings in his time and take from us in his time. i look at my friends little 4year old boy who is terminally ill with brain cancer and what this child has and is going thorugh, has he done something to deserve this???? Sam, i believe God is in control and yes he has give us Medical Doctors to help us through so much and we must not sit back and wait for things to happen but take it by the horns and make sure we make it happen even it means trying over and over again.
Keep strong hun.
Love
Robz
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