Meh…

The three letters above really sum up how I’m feeling of late.  Just… a little off… a little sensitive… just meh…

It’s no secret that I really hate dislike my job and while I can appreciate that it’s not the best time to be looking for another job (that little thing called a global recession and all) I’ve been attacking the job market with a vengeance of late.  In the last three weeks I’ve applied for 48 jobs.  Yes friends, count em, 48 applications.  I had an interview with a really nice company but honestly the package they’re offering is way below what I would realistically consider.  And the other interview that I set up was a complete waste of time – the job was not advertised correctly and it would mean even more long hours and even more time away from home.  Totally not what I’m looking for.

Other than that, I keep getting told “you have a fantastic CV, but you’re not quite what we’re looking for” or “sorry but you’re white, this job is for BEE candidates only” or “you’re WAY too qualified for this job!” or “you’re way too under qualified for this job”.  This is really wearing on me.  I have to be honest.  There is nothing worse than looking for another job firstly during a recession, secondly while you are working a full time job and thirdly when no-one is prepared to give you a proper chance to sell yourself to them.  I mean CV’s are great for an overall round up, but there is no substitute for being able to meet the person offering the job and showing them quite literally what you’re made of in a face to face situation.

The next “meh” item in my life is the state of our fertility plan of action.  Our HLA tests came back “with no contra indications to conception”.  This means that we won’t need to save for IVIG drips after all.  But on the other side of the coin it means that there is no reason other than my PCOS that we’ve not conceived. (yes Geohde, your theory on shitty luck looks like it has serious merit right about now 😉 )  But the thing is this.  I do not want to have another treatment while I’m working where I currently work.  I would hate to finally achieve a pregnancy and find myself stuck in a place where it is fine for your boss to tell you you’re “fucking useless” in front of your junior staff.  I would hate to be stuck in a place where you are told to ignore what is considered blatant fraud cos your boss drinks with his boss every night.  We were planning for a September treatment, which we now need to delay because of the 48 job applications I’ve submitted of late, I’ve no real possibilities on the horizon.

It feels like my life is spiraling out of control.  It feels like I’ve exhausted all my blessings out there.  And while I know that I have a true blessings in my husband, my dogs, my good home and love of friends and family, I still feel like the blessing I long for and desire the most is the one that will elude me forever.

Told you I felt “meh”…

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11 thoughts on “Meh…

  1. I know that feeling of looking for a job, and just feeling hopeless. I was in the labour broking field for a 2 years, and after the company had a management take-over everything started to go pear-shaped, myself and a friend of mine were the only people who actually worked. They fired the person who was bringing in most of the profit, and i started hearing that the company i worked for was getting a really bad reputation, so I quit. I found a job as a receptionist, they were paying more money, for less responsibilty. Then that company folded, so i was off for over a month and i am now with another company on a 6 month contract. I have since heard that my old company has had 6 contracts pulled and they are about to fold, so glad i got out of there when i did. So i know the feeling of feeling unsatisfied and unappreciated at a job, and that it is difficult to find another job, all i can say is try and concentrate on the good things in your life your hubby, your home, your friends and family, i know its easier said than done, but when you have a bad day and feeling ‘MEH’ just take a beath and think of your blessings, it somehow makes coping a little more better.

    Hope you start feeling happier and more hopeful soon 😉

    Mel

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  2. Jeremiah 29:11

    Sending a hug from stateside. Hang in and hold on. Just when you think its over… is when its so not. Love you! Praying!

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  3. Aaah my friend – I’m so sorry you feel the way you do. I can totally understand why you feel that way and hope something comes up soon. Keeping fingers and toes crossed. Love you lots. Big hugs. XXXXX

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  4. Budg, I know it seems imposible right now and you’re going to want to slap me for saying this, but hang in there, I believe with all my heart that the right job is waiting out there for you, in His time, the plan will be revealed and everything is going to fall into place perfectly like a great big puzzle. Remember, as human beings we cannot see the bigger picture, only a couple of the pieces of the puzzle at a time so its impossible for us to understand the bigger picture.

    But I do get why you hate your job! I would hate working for somebody that treated me like that as well!!!

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  5. My equivalent to ‘meh’ is ‘Blagh”.
    I know what you mean about the job and putting off treatment.
    But I also know that it is SUCH a ball ache.
    I wish I had a magic wand that would transform both of our working lives Sam.

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  6. Oh dear, I am so sorry you feel this way right now. I know you know it’ll pass and you will feel good again but right now…it’s just meh. So about the blood results it’s obviously good news not to have to save money for the IVIG, but I can understand the disappointment of NOT having a reason for IF. I just want to leave you a big bear hug on your blog, I look forward to reading your updates, workwise and feeling-wise! Love, Fran

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  7. I’m sorry that it’s all getting you down chicken, I must be honest and say that it would get to me too. I truly hope that things fall into place real soon.

    In the meantime, we’re here for you come rain or shine

    Love always xxx

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  8. So sorry you are feeling “meh”. The job market sucks. I pray that you will find something in the next few weeks so you can go ahead with the IVF anyway. XOXOX

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  9. Hugs, hun. I’ve been living in a state of “meh”. I’m sorry I’ve been out of the loop and am reading posts backwards so I hope by the time I reach your latest one things are going better.

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