What I wish someone had told me

When I started this journey nearly 5 years ago, I had no idea where it would take me.  Although I had always suspected that we would have trouble conceiving (cos of my non existant periods) I still niavely thought that we would be pregnant in a couple of months and that by now I would have not just one but two or three little sprogs running around. 

I have grown and learnt so much about my body, about my marriage and about my partner during this time.  But when I think back there are a few things that I wish someone had had the guts to tell me, so that I could have been a little more prepared for what was going to be thrown in my way.

These are some of the things…

  • That not everyone’s cycles are the same – I shudder to think of the months I wasted thinking that I had to have a “normal” 28 day cycle…
  • That I would feel like a complete and utter failure – but that with help you can work through that feeling
  • That this process would have a SERIOUS impact on my sex life
  • That this process would have a SERIOUS impact on the intimacy you have with your partner
  • That your real life friends will feel seriously uncomfortable around you – almost like your infertility is contagious
  • That your real life friends will be arseholes at times and not trust you with their children cos you are not parents yet
  • That I would put my life on hold to save enough money to do multiple IVF’s
  • That our families would be there for us in ways we could never imagine
  • That the friends we would meet through this journey would be real gems
  • That my husband and I would become closer in ways we never would have thought
  • That I would realise I was not wonder girl and seek therapy to help me deal with my issues in life
  • That seeing other people’s baby belly’s would hurt so much
  • That being in a group of women talking about pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, feeding etc would hurt so much
  • That I would learn to be happy despite not being able to achieve a pregnancy and family as yet

These are just some of the things that I can think of off the top of my head, I know that there are many more, but right now I can’t really think of them cos I’m drug addled trying to kill the nasty flu bug that found me before my IVF starts next week…

SO!  What do you wish someone had told YOU??

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10 thoughts on “What I wish someone had told me

  1. Good points Budg.
    I wish the following/could change the following
    * that I wouldn’t feel so ashamed when I sit in a group of women who talk about having babies/breast feeding/getting pregnant
    * that the sight of a baby could make me ache in a place deep inside I never knew was there
    *that I’m so freaking brave

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  2. I wish someone had told me to not put my life on hold while waiting to achieve pregnancy; as in – we can’t plan that trip – I might be pregnant. Or, we’ll do that after we have kids.

    And that it’s a bigger issue than anyone who doesn’t go through it can ever realize. We are not alone. YOU are not alone.

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  3. Stunning post!

    I wish someone had told me to listen to my intuition and not just accept what Drs tell me.
    I wish someone had told me that I *have* to do what *I* believe and know is the right thing for *me*.

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  4. I wish that someone had to me that even after you get pregnant, there are still problems and new issues and you aren’t just blissfully happy for a solid 9 months because you finally got what you wanted. And that after 2 years of IF and 9 months of pregnancy, you’re honestly f’ing sick and tired of thinking about nothing but babies. I know that sounds stupid, but I cannot believe how “over it all” I am deep down on the inside. Feels like my life has been stuck on loop for almost 3 years and I cannot figure out what I have accomplished personally other than a whole heck of a lot of emotional ups and downs. Don’t get me wrong, I am very much looking forward to meeting the baby and becoming a mother, but I am amazed at how little of “ME” (or the old me that I knew at least) is left.

    *hugs*

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  5. Love this post. And I really love the one about how friends think you can’t take care of a kid because you don’t have them. SO true.

    I wish someone had told me that you blink and 8 years have gone by and you’re still not a mom–and it can be okay.

    I wish someone told me that It is all right to ask to see you friends with kids without their kids.

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  6. *that I could fall in love with my husband all over again even in our darkest times

    *that 30 year friendships really can crumble because of IF

    *that most friends will tire of our “situation” and begin to avoid us

    *that life could get so lonely or that I could feel so lost in my own skin

    *that my career could suffer right along with my bank account and life plans and dreams

    *that not achieving this over and over again could really make my heart feel so heavy and broken

    *that I really am stronger than I ever really knew

    Hugs, Sam. I’m sorry learning all of this has to come at such a price.

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  7. Guess it’s all about learning, one little bit at a time…I might’ve had a nervous breakdown had anyone told me what it was gonna be like before I was ready. Before I was confronted first hand with those realities, one painful bit at a time.

    One thing infertility has tought me is the amazing resilience normal people can dispaly when placed in the most heartwrenching circumstance.

    How strong does one have to be to suffer the loss of a dream every month of the year, year after year, and still keep at it. Pretty amazingly strong me thinks….

    Thank you for being the gem that you are!

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  8. All so true, but in the beginning you might not have believed all of it – you have to learn the lessons yourself unfortunately!! And that sucks!

    I just wish I could know the end, with or without a baby!

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  9. If I had to go back to younger self five years ago. I think I would give her a huge hug and tell her that she is stronger than she can ever imagine. I’d tell her that there will be lots of tears in order to meet your Angel.

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