Lately I’ve been allowing myself to dream.  To dream what it would feel like to actually be pregnant.  Dream of how I would feel, how happy we’d be.  Thrashing out baby names, fighting about how we’re going to decorate the nursery and most of all about deciding to find out the sex of the baby or not.

Sometimes the dreams that I allow myself threaten to overwhelm me and fill me with such an intense feeling of foreboding, cos why am I allowing myself to dream of something that I am not even sure is going to happen?  Surely I should dream about the staircase we’re planning on ripping out and rebuilding rather than a figment of my imagination?

But sometimes these dreams I’m allowing myself also give me a glimpse of what can be, of what will be, should we be strong enough and faithful enough to see this race through.  And that fills me with love and happiness.

So I’ll allow them for a while longer and keep on hoping that soon they’ll not just be a figment of my wildest imagination but just as tangible as that staircase we’re building.


32 thoughts on “Dreaming…

  1. I echo what others have said… it doesn’t hurt to dream. I hope and pray that your dreams come true and that in the not too distant future you have one or more beautiful children going up and down that staircase. Hugs from ICLW.


  2. You know I NEVER believed it would happen. Not once. But the reality is-that 99% (that’s a real statistic) of infertiles will be parents-at some point. So, it’s not crazy to see yourself there.
    When I was in the IVF cycle I meditated every day-using Bellaruth Naperstak’s meditations-it was 10 mins of pure relaxation which all of us need.
    I have so much hope for you.


  3. Dreams are what get me through this. I see dreams as a sign of hope, with them we still dare to hope, but if we don’t dream we’ve given up all hope. Keep dreaming!



  4. They’re nice dreams.

    I’d keep dreaming if it were me, it helps remember why we go through so much rubbish in the first place.

    Even though I sucked at pregnancy, it is still amazing to see what we can produce- Look! Human Being!




  5. Keep those dreams going, Sam. Visualizing the “reason” we are doing this can help us keep going long after we feel we can’t. No need to dream of the staircase that you can “live” right now. Dreams are for our wishes and desires. Don’t ever let ’em stop.


  6. I have these times where I allow myself to go off dreaming…..and it is so soothing for my soul. Then reality tugs me back a bit. But I actually think we should allow ourselves a little bit of that dreamy hapiness. It’s good for the soul.


  7. You know what sustains me in times like this? I know that every infertile parent out there that I know also once was only dreaming. They also once said “Imagine if…” Dreaming to me is an exercise in faith.


  8. What everyone says is so true, we need those dreams Sam, they’re what keep us going in the dark, sad days of this thing they call infetility. Dreaming means that you have hope and without HOPE we’d be nowhere.

    When I look out of my bedroom window down into the place next to mine and see them looking lovingly at their new born baby, I wonder why I do it, why I punish myself so but it’s because I want that to be us, I’m day-dreaming of a time where this will all be behind us and we too will look lovingly into our babies eyes – we are only human afterall. Hang in there sweetie, oneday our dreams will becom a reality.

    Love to you xxx


  9. I feel the exact same way as you described in this post. I go between giving into the daydreaming, and not letting myself. Deep down I feel like the dreams will come true, and I bet you do too. I believe your dreams will come true.


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