The Burning Question

Now that we’ve been given the go ahead for our IVF and we’ve told the internet and select RL friends and family, it seems that the burning question is “are you excited?”.  Hmmm. 

On one hand yes I can honestly say I am excited.  I’m excited that we’re finally off the break that we took.  I’m excited that we again have a chance at realising our dream of becoming parents.  But it’s a reserved excitement.  It is not the excitement that I felt going into my first IVF where I was farting rainbows and super sure it was going to work first time cos you know, I deserved that deal.  It’s an excitement that is wrapped in cotton wool – muffled and treated carefully lest it decide to jump out and go way wire.

On the other hand, I’m… I guess I would call it ambivilent.  Yes I want to get the IVF on the road but I’ve found that this time round I’m not working out expected due dates of my possible offspring, I’m not working feverishly to have plan B, C, D and E all worked out before hand in case of a negative result.  I mean, realistically if this next IVF is not *the* one, then I know that my back up plan is either FET or another fresh IVF.  I know that miracles do happen, and that people fall pregnant between treatments all the time, but realistically?  I know that my chances of that happening are super slim to none.

My approach to this IVF has also been very different to our first one.  With our first one I cut out all alcohol for 6 months, I exercised like a demon, lost 15kg’s, did reflex, did acupuncture and pretty much did everything that could be expected to be done to prepare for an IVF.  With this IVF I’m still allowing myself the odd glass of wine, I’m exercising but certainly not like a demon and those 15kg’s that I shed last year – well let’s just suffice it to say that some of those kg’s found their way back to my ass and thighs and well they’re not going anywhere fast… I’m not expecting too much of this cycle actually.

Do I want it to work? Of course!  Do I think it might be the one that makes me a mommy (finally)?  Sometimes.  I guess that I feel like I’m a whole lot more balanced heading into this IVF cycle.  I feel more like myself, I am not putting this undue pressure on myself to make it work.  And I have to say that I think it shows in my marriage leading up to this IVF.  We’ve not had a major arguement now heading on for 3 weeks and counting.  We’re a lot more relaxed with each other and we’re a lot more relaxed about this IVF.

I guess that comes with experience (which honestly I would much rather not have gained but hey, se le vi right?)

So yes, I am excited, but just not in a farting rainbow kinda way.

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16 thoughts on “The Burning Question

  1. Exactly how I feel too Sam. And I totally agree on everything in moderation and having balance. I, like you, went to the extreme with my first IVF and it proved a fat waste of time and effort. I think I can speak for both of when I say this is in God’s hands and the outcome has already been determined in his great big book of miracles. Its just a matter of doing the work now and waiting to see what will become of it.
    I’m cautiously hopeful for the both of us!
    (((hugs)))

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  2. Jip – so understand. Not necessary to cut everything out ! Moderation is the key!

    In fact, the IVF I try to do by the book, not drinking, eating right, acupuncture etc, was my worst IVF ever!!

    So thinking of you and praying for your miracle!!

    Lots of luv!

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  3. Best of luck in your IVF. It sounds like your approach is healthier for you and your hubby – hopefully that means it will pay off in other ways too!

    Happy ICLW!

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  4. I’m new here to and just heading into IVF #1. I find balancing the farting rainbows and the nochanceinhells quite hard. I’m glad to hear there’s a middle moderate ground. hoping for you.

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  5. Honestly, I think this is a great attitude. It was the one I had on the cycle where I got knocked up. I was dissapointed a bunch of times and I had kind of thought.. This probably won’t work (which is, I guess, A little different than your attitude) and I was already thinking ahead to the next step. In fact, when I was late I was convinced it was just a long cycle and refused to test. LOL. So I think that attitude makes it less stressful, if possible and therfore increases the chances of success. Does that make sense? Also, not farting rainbows (giggle), is a way of protecting your heart a little. Which is a good thing.
    I am praying for you in the next 3 weeks. (((Hugs from afar)))

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  6. Sound like you are just where you need to be. And your descriptions are pure perfection – I sure wish someone farted rainbows around here instead of …well…just farting – you know.

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  7. Hooray for no arguments!
    The IVF process is generally unpleasant, so anything you can do to enjoy yourself is a great idea.

    Best wishes!

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  8. I felt similarly for our 2nd IVF too, Sam. The anxiety of the process is gone this time around. It’s a great mindset to be in. I truly hope and pray this is the one for you.

    Oh, and those rainbow farts are the worst. (-;

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  9. All you can do is take it one day at a time and I’ll fart rainbows and sparrows for you and maybe even throw in some BD for good measure 🙂

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  10. Love this post. I had a very similar convo with my acupuncturist (sorry. not giving that up!) before our last cycle – I was feeling bad about not going totally teetotaler, not being the target weight, not farting rainbows, and she stopped me and said, but are you happy? And well, I was. Then you are where you need to be.

    I think you’re right where you need to be. 😉

    iclw

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