Jingle Bells, Christmas Smells…

…. Sam needs to run away, not a gift is in sight, maybe today! Hey!

Seriously though, I am at my MOST disorganised I have ever been at this time of year.  I *love* Christmas.  I love that it gives me a chance to celebrate the birth of my Saviour, I love that it gives me time to spend time with my family and friends, I love it!  BUT this year I have not been able to get my ass into gear – at all.  Here we sit – two (2!!!) measly days before the big event and I have not bought one (1!!!!) Christmas present.  *sigh* 

And as much as I know I *have* to get it done today or it’s tickets for me, I am *so* not in the mood.  At least I managed to get my a into g enough to put up the Christmas tree.  That’s gotta count for something right?

I was in a bummed mood yesterday as well.  Not something I allow myself to wallow in for long and today I’m feeling much better, but I have to share the wallow.  Every year a RL friend of mine has a Christmas braai.  Last year at the braai we met her friends Claire and Paul who had been battling to fall pregnant.  They had 2 rounds of clomid and at the braai were happily pregnant.  I remember sitting there thinking – next braai next year that will be *me*. 

But at the braai this year, Claire and Paul were bouncing their 5 month old baby boy on their knee’s and there Cliff and I sat, still no closer to our dream of having a baby.  It hit me like a stream train.  Yet another year lost.  Yet another year where my hopes and dreams were crushed.  Yet another Christmas wishing for a child to share it with.  Yet another party where we are the only childless couple.

But despite myself I still sat there thinking to myself – next year at the next braai – that will be me.


5 thoughts on “Jingle Bells, Christmas Smells…

  1. Hugs, my dear. I remember years and years of that feeling. For me it was every Memorial Day barbeque at Sarge’s aunt’s house and I’d always get my period just for extra special emphasis. I’m praying for you today and holding you close. When you get to your holiday parties this year, duck into the loo and think of me hugging you.


  2. Huge hugs, Sam. I managed to do all my Christmas shopping on Saturday and get it wrapped and shipped. Many a giftcard to be had, but some years that is just where we are. I didn’t want to do any of it either this year.

    I so know those “Next year” sentiments. Praying it is true for us both this time.

    Now go get that shopping done!! (-; (That was said with love).


  3. Hey Sam

    Sorry you are feeling this way but who knows, it could be you next year with your little baby at the braai. I know how you feel. I sometimes get this sick feeling when I hear of people who fall pregnant. Then you see them with the baby. Then you find out the baby is 5m or 7 m old and you think of all the time “lost”. But I am really praying this will be us soon my friend.


    Merry Christmas


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