Decisions, Decisions

We’ve finally made the big decision. 

Our next fresh IVF will begin in February as soon as AF shows her face (well technically I’ll know exactly when to expect her cos I’m on the pill but you know what I mean).  We were going to do our next treatment in January but realistically it’s just not the right time for us.

I mean I want us to be “doing” something but I’m just not body ready right now.  And by that I mean that I’ve put on 4.5 kgs while on holiday in Plett and I really want to shed that weight before I step onto the IVF treadmill again.  Also I’ve been thinking a lot about how busy the clinic will be in January.  My new boss is probably not going to be as understanding about time out of the office as my last one was and if I have to wait for an hour or so after scanning for meds etc it will take some explaining and honestly, I really don’t want the dickhead guy to know I’m doing IVF.  Then I’m supposed to be taking over the conference centre in January as well – I just felt like I really did not need the added stress and pressure at a time when I’m supposed to be focusing on stimms, retrieval and hopefully implanting embryo’s.  February should be a stable time after the take over and also will still be quiet enough in terms of events booked so that I won’t feel guilty about taking time off when needed. 

Luckily for us we are ready in terms of finances.  We’ve been lucky enough to have been gifted with some money from Cliff’s brother and his wife as well as from my Mom for this next IVF and added to what we’ve already saved we’ve got enough to cover this next IVF and another 3/4 of one if we need it.  We’re going to continue saving where we can (even with the gifted money) so that we’ve got a nice next egg to use when we fall pregnant or if we need to plan our next treatment.

Honestly, I’m a bundle of emotion about this IVF.  I’m excited cos finally we’ll be “doing something” again.  I’m hopeful cos I really want it to work and for our journey to end.  I’m working on being faithful and thankful to God for His will.  I’m terrified I’m going to be faced with another negative.  I’m exceedingly worried about letting our family down again.  I’m anxoius that if it doesn’t work that our family who’ve given us money will feel like we’ve wasted their hard earned cash.  I’m happy cos we just might finally get to be parents.  Thankfully I got to see my therapist last night to talk about all this noise in my head and the advise she gave me was really good – she told me to try and “be in the moment” and to try not focus to much on the “end result” or varying outcomes.   

So that is what I’m trying to do, the decision is made but for now I need to get my Christmas shopping done and wrapped.  That is what this moment calls for.

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17 thoughts on “Decisions, Decisions

  1. Yay for a plan!! With all you have going on in January, it sounds like February is the way to go. Awesome news to have so much saved!! You are more than on your way.

    I share so many of your fears and thoughts. It must be a therapist thing as mine always says that we will deal with “that” if it happens. Now she let’s me at least run through all the absolute worst case scenarios so I feel prepared and then we just set them aside.

    We will get there, my friend. We will get there.

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  2. Your therapist is right. Its hard to do that, to live in the moment, but we have to learn. I’m trying NOT to think about my upcoming IVF just because its too over whelming to be doing so. And don’t look at this time as doing nothing, its preparation time!!!

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  3. Having a plan always puts my mind at ease–Im glad you all have come up with one you are happy with, and Im looking forward to cheering you on in February! It’s gonna be a great 2009!

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  4. SO SO excited to be counting down to February! You sound so good and I couldn’t be more thrilled that there is something totally concrete happening just a few short months away!
    xo

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  5. That sounds like a good decision, Sam. Your January seems way hectic! Adding and IVF to all of that would be a lot to handle.

    Your therapist’s advice is good, if you can take it. 🙂 It’s hard to be in the moment sometimes! I’m praying for you.

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  6. Even though I was all hesitant re starting up again, having a plan helps. I feel better now that we’re going than when we were thinking. But fuck it’s gonna be a rollercoaster ride again isn’t it? For both of us (or both sets of us if we count our husbands).

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  7. wow! great plan. it’s good that you have the comfort of not having to worry about the financial aspects. i hope you are able to enjoy the holidays and i hope that january goes fast for you!

    iclw

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  8. That’s wonderful news sweetie!! I truly hope that this next IVF will bring you your baby/babies! It is scary but doing nothing is scary too. You will be fine, I know you…you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for 😉

    Your therapist is so right, but it’s not always that easy…here’s sending you some strength and a big hug. With you all the way Chicken!

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  9. Good Luck with your next IVF. It’s really positive that you have a plan to work towards -it always helps to focus and look forward to a goal. Will be thinking of you in Feb and I’m sure 2009 will be your year! Love & hugs, Me XX

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  10. I think that’s a smart decision to wait until your life is a little calmer in February. Good luck with the IVF. I will pray extra hard for you this Feb. Don’t be nervous on the outcome. Try to just focus on the step you are in at the moment. Easier said than done.

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