We’ve finally made the big decision.
Our next fresh IVF will begin in February as soon as AF shows her face (well technically I’ll know exactly when to expect her cos I’m on the pill but you know what I mean). We were going to do our next treatment in January but realistically it’s just not the right time for us.
I mean I want us to be “doing” something but I’m just not body ready right now. And by that I mean that I’ve put on 4.5 kgs while on holiday in Plett and I really want to shed that weight before I step onto the IVF treadmill again. Also I’ve been thinking a lot about how busy the clinic will be in January. My new boss is probably not going to be as understanding about time out of the office as my last one was and if I have to wait for an hour or so after scanning for meds etc it will take some explaining and honestly, I really don’t want the dickhead guy to know I’m doing IVF. Then I’m supposed to be taking over the conference centre in January as well – I just felt like I really did not need the added stress and pressure at a time when I’m supposed to be focusing on stimms, retrieval and hopefully implanting embryo’s. February should be a stable time after the take over and also will still be quiet enough in terms of events booked so that I won’t feel guilty about taking time off when needed.
Luckily for us we are ready in terms of finances. We’ve been lucky enough to have been gifted with some money from Cliff’s brother and his wife as well as from my Mom for this next IVF and added to what we’ve already saved we’ve got enough to cover this next IVF and another 3/4 of one if we need it. We’re going to continue saving where we can (even with the gifted money) so that we’ve got a nice next egg to use when we fall pregnant or if we need to plan our next treatment.
Honestly, I’m a bundle of emotion about this IVF. I’m excited cos finally we’ll be “doing something” again. I’m hopeful cos I really want it to work and for our journey to end. I’m working on being faithful and thankful to God for His will. I’m terrified I’m going to be faced with another negative. I’m exceedingly worried about letting our family down again. I’m anxoius that if it doesn’t work that our family who’ve given us money will feel like we’ve wasted their hard earned cash. I’m happy cos we just might finally get to be parents. Thankfully I got to see my therapist last night to talk about all this noise in my head and the advise she gave me was really good – she told me to try and “be in the moment” and to try not focus to much on the “end result” or varying outcomes.
So that is what I’m trying to do, the decision is made but for now I need to get my Christmas shopping done and wrapped. That is what this moment calls for.