“Cautiously” still counting cos this morning when inserting my morning dose of cyclogest I noticed some teeny brown flecks in my cervical mucous… *sigh*
Naturally this freaked me out BIG time and I am now the most obsessive compulsive panty checker you have *ever* come across and have to physically stop myself from doing a cervical mucous check EVERY time I go to the bloody (no pun intended) loo… I cannot classify the little brown flecks as spotting really but they have completley ruined my up to now rose tinted view of this FET… Having just gone to the loo about 2 nano seconds ago, I can say that I have not seen anymore brown flecks but this is probably because I forced myself to not do any unecessary erm, digging around in there…
I called my Mom on the way to work this morning and had a good drizz and lamented about how unfair the whole thing is, and moaned about the fact that drug addicts and alcoholics get to fall pregnant and get to experience the miracle of life but that stable loving people like Cliff and I can’t seem to get it right… She (I love my Mom she is the BEST) reminded me that it is not for me to judge why others get their miracles and told me to remember that I am in a blood covenant with God and that blood is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact the blood that washed me is a GREAT thing. It calmed me down and now I am only mildly terrified that this could be all over. Again.
I have had lower back pain the whole week and some might think that is a good sign, but I am not counting any chickens just yet – in fact the only thing I am counting right now are the minutes of each hour till I can get the blood draw over and done with and know one way or the other if this *is* going to be the summer of my season.
I’m praying with every fibre of my being that it will be.