Not a Mommy Yet

Firstly let me say thank you to everyone for your most supportive comments.  You guys are truly amazing.

I went in for the E2 and progesterone tests this morning, and I got a call from my doc to say that they had dropped drastically.  He also ran a beta just in case and it is all over – a resounding negative. 

In my heart of hearts I was expecting this, but I have taken this really hard.  I am gutted.  I am angry.  I am hurt. I feel so betrayed by my body and I feel so sad that I have yet again disappointed my husband by not being able to do this basic thing. 

I really don’t know what the next step will be but right now I am just trying to get myself through the hell of today and then we’ll take it one step at a time.  And one thing I do know is that I am going to have the biggest glass of wine tonight cos abstaining clearly did not do any good.


27 thoughts on “Not a Mommy Yet

  1. Sam I wish there was something i could say to make you feel better, but i know nothing i say is going to help!!

    All i can do is offer you my prayers and pray that you will feel Gods love more than ever during this sad time!

    You have a right to feel the way you do!

    I know its hard and I find the worst part of it, having to tell my hubby and once again tell him i am not preggies! I also used to blame myself but have realised now that the blame game wont work… Noel married me for better or worse and I know that even if we do not have a family he will still love me… reading about you and your hubby I know that he does not blame you and that he loves you deeply, lean on him during this time…

    O my friend big hugs for you today, wish I was in JHB to give you a hub



  2. I have no words for you, my emotions are in my tears that fall with yours. I love you, as does everyone else in your life.

    Here for whatever you need.


  3. Just popped in to check up on you – I am so incredibly sorry but my friend your time will still come, I promise you. xxx


  4. Sam, Im so very sorry–the ache cant be measured by words. Be angry, sad, mad. I am sending you hugs across the ocean, and keeping you in my thoughts.


  5. Thinking of you during this sad time, be good to yourself because YOU have not failed and you don’t need to punish yourself even more.

    None of this is your fault at all, the unfairness of it breaks my heart because you deserve so much more!

    I wish I could take your pain away, I know how much it hurts. We love you Sammy and will be here when you need us…

    Tam xxx


  6. I’m new to your blog and came over from the L&F to say I’m so sorry. I was devastated after my ivf failed. wishing you all the best, and by all means enjoy that glass of wine tonight.


  7. Hi from NCLM…

    I am sorry that this cycle didn’t work for you and your husband. I know it has to be soooo frustrating. We are starting our first cycle in July & I am so afraid to get my hopes up. Life just isn’t fair.

    I wish you luck & I will have a glass of wine for you, too!


  8. I’m so sorry. I’ve been there and know how you feel. I wish I could give you a hug. 😦

    take care and have a drink for me!

    (here from NCLM)


  9. Sam, I am so so sorry. You know I know what this feels like so if you want a shoulder to cry on, I am here. You gave me instant messenger fancy wancy icons, so the least you get is my shoulder…for as long as you want it.

    Thinking of you x


  10. I am so, so sorry for your heartbreak. 😦 It is so frustrating to feel betrayed by your body, after feeling so much promise. Take care of yourself…

    From NaComLeavMo


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