What was I supposed to think?

One thing I can say about this cycle is that it is leaving me feeling exhausted – all the early mornings are not good for my constitution (I am a night owl, not a early morning budgie) and I went to bed reasonably early last night.  As normal, I turned my phone onto silent knowing that if for some reason anyone had an emergency that they could call on our land line to wake us up.  Well this morning I see that I have two missed calls from my cousin, Mark and a text message saying “I no longer have a girlfriend…”

My heart stopped – I love Cindy!  She is already part of the family and I could not believe that they had broken up, so at 05h30 in the morning I sent him a text explaining why I never called him last night and saying how sorry I was to hear the news and asking if he was OK and if there was ANYTHING I could do to help them… So I get a call at about 06h30 from him and I’m like a mother hen asking what happened and how is he etc… So he puts me in my place and says “Why are you assuming the worst?  All I said is that I no longer have a girlfriend…” and at that time about ten million pennies dropped – They had got engaged over the weekend!  Not broken up!  Commited and solidified!  Naturally I am super happy for them and told him that, but man, don’t I feel like an arse?

I guess that is one thing that I hate about infertility.  The fact that after being in this ringer for a while, one tends to think naturally of the worst that could happen… or is it just a human trait?? Perhaps it was the way he worded his sms and the fact that he called so late (about 23h00) to give the good news, but man, why did my mind automatically think bad news?  The fertiles in my family all got the engaged vibe immediately, but not Dumbass Sam…  Will I ever automatically look for the silver lining again?  I don’t know, but I sure hope so.

In other news, my follies grew like beans over the weekend!  Scan this morning showed 3 -4 follies on the left ovary sitting at between 18 – 20 mm and 2 or so on my right in the same growth range.  Lining is at 10mm and doc is happy with that.  Had some more drugs (cetro & menopur cocktail) this morning and back tomorrow for another scan to see if I can receive trigger shot tomorrow… Egg retrieval either Thursday or Friday!  Crikey Moses, this is real people!  Egg Retrieval!!!

5 thoughts on “What was I supposed to think?

  1. Congrats to your cousin!!!
    It is rather odd that us infertile people think the worst always… sure you felt very embarassed :))

    YIPEE for the follies and lining… shoo egg retrieval already, excting stuff my friend



  2. OMW! This is exciting stuff! I’m watching in eager anticipation…here from the bench…best of luck my friend, best of luck!

    Let’s hope that silver lining is just around the corner!


  3. You know, it’s really not just you….I would have thought the same thing, I hate the late night calls etc….always gives me the fright of my life! But congrats to them!

    Yay on your follies growing nicely, you been to acu lately? Sure it will be trigger tomorrow 🙂

    I will see you there tomorrow!!


  4. Congrats to Mark & Cindy! I must admit I fear the worst in everything, I think its a mixture of repeatedly failing and a coping mechanism.

    So routing for you babe, will be hold your hand virtually on Thursday.


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