The Secret Pain

Yet another early morning start for me today to check on the follies, so I was up (again) before sparrows fart, getting showered and dressed for my date with dildo cam, and my heart was feeling good.  My ovaries have been aching dully so I know that they are doing something in there, whether it is a party going on or not is anyone’s guess, but that ache re-assures me.

Driving to the clinic, the sun started coming up and hit the clouds just so, making them pink and shiny and tinged with just the right amount of orange gold, it really took my breath away and I thought to myself how blessed I was to have woken up early enough on such a stunning day to see that sun rise and kiss the clouds.

I got to the clinic settled in for a wait and got chatting to my friend Sharon (making lots of noise the two of us were in the normally hushed rooms) when in walked a couple with their little girl, who could not have been more than 2 or 3 years old.  It was one of those moments, you know the ones where the whole moment freezes and it continues in super slo mo?  Every eye was on that little girl, she was super cute and had this blonde hair and the biggest baby blues you have ever seen… she tottered into the waiting room, stood at the table and eyed Shaz and I… At one stage I was petrified that she would walk over to me and touch me, touch me in my fertlity clinic of all places.  While I coud appreciate exactly how cute she was and how lucky her parents were to have her (assuming that they battled to have her in the first place considering where they had just walked into) I had this little secret pain in my heart.  There standing before me was the object of my hearts desire, a real live beautiful child.  Oh how it hurt to see what could be, what is going to be but is not yet realised.  Thankfully I was called for my scan, and I could escape the secret pain of that stunning little tyke. 


PS –>  leading follie was 14mm so I started the combination of menopur and cetrotide today, shoot up again tomorrow and then back on Monday for follie check.  Lining still the same at 9.5mm… Looking good good looking 😉


6 thoughts on “The Secret Pain

  1. Great news about your scan. Sorry about the moment in the waiting room fueled by toddler cuteness. My clinic has a very strict policy about not bringing children for that very reason. It’s tough on folks who already have kids and can’t make arrangements, but spares the feelings of those while in treatment.

    Glad you were able to appreciate the beautiful sunrise!


  2. Shoo that must have been a tough one, always difficult when a couple already has a little one and brings the little one to the clinic.

    So glad follies are looking good! Take care of yourself sweetie


  3. Sam, you really sound like ur in a good, peaceful frame of mind being so perceptive of the beauty around you, keep it up, it can only do good.

    In my thoughts.



  4. I have to say that the amount of people that bought their loud children into my clinic never ceased to bother me- I would never do it to anyone else.

    Glad your cycle is going well,



  5. Hey Sweetie,

    Just checking in on you, sorry about the clinic thing….we’ve also had that there before, it is a bit heartbreaking isn’t it? I think that’s why VL only see patients up until 9 weeks (12 with twins) and then you have to be on your way….

    I’m glad that all is going well with your cycle, yay on those follies doing good work, try not to worry….you gonna get some nice eggs, I just know it!

    I’m probably gonna be at VL tomorrow morning too, CD2 scan…AF is trying hard to make her appearance 🙂 BCP here we come!!

    Much love,
    Tam xxx


  6. Girls, thanks for your support.

    Super M, I am feeling calm and at peace right now, not so sure what I will be like in the 2ww but we’ll jump that hurdle when we get there – thinking lots of orange 😉

    J – I know, when I do have my children one day I hope that I won’t make the same mistake, and that I remember how it hurts… Hope your girls are hanging in!

    Tam – whoo hoo – BCP here you come! Hope I did not miss you this morning???


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s