It went well

Driving to the clinic last Saturday I looked out of the car window and was just thinking about what we were about to do.  Cliff has his sample in his pocket and he was ready, I was ready.  I was silently praying to God that He be with us during the procedure that that His will be done in this cycle (and praying that His will was a positive outcome of course).  A song started playing on the car radio which brought tears to my eyes.  It’s called “This is your moment” and the words really touched a cord with me and the prayer I had just prayed.

It was a quiet day at the theatre – only one other GIFT patient and one ER patient.  Our doctor is just amazing.  It was not his weekend to work in the theatre but he made sure to come past on Saturday morning to ensure that I was good and to check my bloods one last time to make the final decision as to how many eggs to put back.  Then I waited for the other GIFT patient to get done and dusted and it was my turn to be wheeled into the theatre.  The doctor who did my procedure was also just as wonderful as my treating doctor is.  He held my hand and stroked my arm and when I said that from one lefty to another I knew I was in good hands he told me that we would work some lefty magic that day.  And out I went.

My body worked to it’s usual trend.  We got a total of 9 eggs this time.  From my excellent stim this time round I was expecting a few more but had told myself to be happy with 9 – by body has been producing one less egg per fresh treatment we’ve done and I knew that I should work towards this trend.  So 9 eggs it was.  We put the best 5 eggs and fresh good sperm back into my left fallopian tube.  After the procedure Lawrence came to chat to me and said it had all gone very well.  The eggs looked good as did the sperm.  He wished us all the best and made sure that we knew that the 4 left over that would be IVF’ed were not the priority in this treatment.  The priority were the 5 eggs that were put back where they belonged and where it was most natural for them to be.

I battled with a lot of shoulder and chest pain from the gas over the weekend and really only just got rid of the last vestiges of the gas today.

I had my second intralipid drip on Monday and again I sat next to a girl who was having her third drip because she had just found out she was pregnant.  On Monday I checked up on our 4 left over eggs and found out that of the 4 only 3 had fertilized on Sunday but by Monday none of them had made it.  Now I would not be human if I did not admit that the fact that none of our embies made it has made me a little nervous.  What if none of the eggs inside me fertilized and made it either?  I know I should not be thinking this way and it’s best for the eggs to be inside my body as opposed to to an unnatural environment like a laboratory but what if?  I’m hoping that my Mom was right when she said that we would not need those 3 little embies cos this GIFT was going to work.

I know that techinically I should not be feeling anything right now cos realistically if this was IVF my embies would only be transferred tomorrow and implantation would only be taking place on Friday or Saturday if it is going to take place.

I think the hardest part of having a GIFT is the uncertainty of it all.  You have NO idea if your eggs fertilized.  You have NO idea if they did fertilize if your embryo’s are still growing and flourishing.  You’re knocked out when the action happens and all you seem to have to show for it is gas related pain and a grotesque belly button – well at least my belly button looks grotesque after 4 lap cuts into it… *sigh*

And the worst part about having a GIFT as opposed to IVF is that the wait to test day is not a 2ww – it’s an 18 day wait!  Pure unadulterated torture! I’m doing my best to stay positive and to believe that this one could be THE one, but I’m battling.  I’m doing my best to believe that God knows what He’s doing, but I’m battling.  I honestly don’t think I have the strength left in me to do this again if this is not the one that gives us a positive beta and healthy pregnancy.

But only time will tell.  In the mean time I guess I’ll try to keep myself busy and just get myself through one day at a time and see how it goes when we test.  I’m still hoping despite my battles against the negativity in my head that I’ll have good news to share with my Dad when we send him off on the 06th March.  Please God let this be the one, I’m begging you.

Lap round up

First up – thank you so much for all the love, well wishes and thoughts I received yesterday, you people are REALLY REALLY special you know that?

We arrived at the hospital right on time – got the admission papers sorted only to be told there were no beds in the surgical ward downstairs.  So we sat in reception for a while.  Then our lovely nurse Beauty came to fetch us ( me and two other girls) and took us upstairs to the maternity ward to wiat for a bed.  ERm, nice – NOT.  Beauty hurredly got rid of bassinets and baby paraphenalia from our rooms and then we did some more paperwork.  I made friends with the girl on the bed next to me – her first lap she was terrified.  I tried to calm her down but was honest about possible pain and uncomfort she would feel post procedure.  I also plugged Fertilicare to her.

In flounced our anthetist and he did his pre-op babble, blood pressure checks etc.  Got called down to the surgical suite (thank goodness, the sound of another woman’s baby crying next door was really pulling at my heart strings) and then changed into those delicious gowns and sat in my bed to wait yet again…

Finally went into theatre at about 14h00, my FS is just divine, he was holding my hand and telling me “every little things gonna be all right”.  (well not quite in those words but I loved this song of hope that my friend Shaz dedicated to me)  I woke up 56 minutes later very alert and shivering my ass off.  I thought that was strange cos I’ve never reacted to anethestic like that but a good blow of hot air under my blankies took care of that.  Started chatting to the recovery nurses and they wheeled me back to the ward.  Had some tea (oure heaven after nearly 24 hours of an empty tummy) and sarmies (no Abs no egg ones ).  Stephan came to chat to me and the news was good – a small endometrioma on my right ovary which he removed and some small spots of endo on my uterus which were also blasted into obscurity.  My bladder was clean this time round, and my left ovary was not stuck onto anything.  The amazing thing is that he was telling me that in some cases, once they get the initial endo sorted out they find a steady decline of it over a period of time and he told me that it can eventually go away completely, and that he thought that from my results that I would be one of those girls…

I was soon up and about chatting to the girls I had made friends with earlier (my roomate had a huge fibroid and loads of endo removed, my other friend who just moved to JHB from CT had stage 2 endo removed), laughing with the nurses and passing urine to get my discharge papers signed.  I was feeling surprisingly good.  I was extremely chipper and even my FS commented that no one would guess that I had just had surgery – of course he took full credit for that being the amazing surgeon that he is .

Once we got home we had dinner and then the lap shoulder started to set in, at first it was a small amount of discomfort in my left shoulder but by 02h00 this am it was full blown “ouchie” hard to breath too deep lap shoulder.  I’m trying to sit up as much as possible cos that seems to give me relief but am exhausted cos I can’t sleep in a sitting position.  Am taking small 30-40 minute naps at a time and then sitting up again and putting  my new best friend (my wheat heat) over my aching shoulders.

But overall I’m feeling good.  A little tender but good.  I’m super pleased at the results of the lap and am looking forward to my new job and new life and new chance at treatment later this year. 

In esssence I guess I’m eeking out a tiny rainbow fart for myself.  I’m so hopeful for whats to come in the future.

Thanks again for all your support, it really warms the cockles of this girl’s heart.  Mwah!!

On the Eve…

…of my 3rd laparoscopy I’m feeling slightly nervous, slightly anxious and funnily enough also a little excited. 

Nervous cos well I wil always get a bit nervous before a surgery and Lord knows I’ve had a few.  I’ve had a wisdom teeth extraction, a bladder op and two laparscopies – heading for # 3.  Anxious cos I’m really hoping that my endo is not too bad tomorrow – I really don’t want to have to face the fact that my endo is getting worse and is growing back at a rate of knots making the time between treatments less and less…

And the excitement?  This feeling stems from the fact that I’m really hoping that this will be my third and FINAL laparoscopy, that my insides will be good and clean and fresh so that when we decide to have that all important third fresh IVF my insides will be in the BEST possible shape and that it will contribute towards a successful attempt. 

I’m drinking my last glass of wine before my 3rd laparoscopy – so Cheers to Lap # 3

All it took…

…was my little post and hey presto AF arrived on my doorstep literally a few hours later.  So that’s that.  Laparoscopy # 3 is booked and paid for (well except for the anethetist) and next week Tuesday I’ll be heading into theatre for the 3rd time.

I’m feeling ok about it I guess.  A little nervous (cos who is not nervous when going under) but mostly I’m apathetic – I just want to get it over with so that I can know for sure if my endo has come back or not and if it is back to have it cleared up so that I’m in good shape internally for our next treatment.

I’m pretty sure that the fact I’m soon to start my new job is helping me deal with the upcoming surgery better – focus is elsewhere right now.  And that’s not such a bad thing.

Roll on 25.08.2009!

The Secret I’ve been keeping…

I am so excited right now!!!

 

I can finally let you all into the secret that I’ve been holding onto for the last week and a bit.  You know that job that I hate?  The job that causes so much stress in my life, the job that I truly believe is holding me back in our journey to a little Clam or two?  That job is technically no more!!!  YES you heard right!  Today I officially handed my notice in and am working my last few weeks at the place I refer to as Alcatraz…

 

I find it so amazing how God has worked in my life in the last few weeks.  It’s just astounding how He closed so many doors in respect of possible employment until the right thing came along.  I mean if you consider that during my frantic job search of the last month and a bit, I applied for 48 advertised jobs.  And that my friend is no mean feat.  Especially if you think that there is a global recession on.  In the past when I’ve been job hunting I’ve always had excellent come backs in terms of either agencies who were interested in seeing me for potential clients or companies themselves wanting to see me and interview me.  Not to throw flowers at myself or anything but my CV is pretty impressive.  I have extensive experience that covers a wide spectrum of fields; I can work operationally and administratively.  On top of this I honestly believe that I am even more impressive in person.  I interview well.  I have never battled to find work because of the fact that I can impress both on paper and in person.  So I was really stumped and quite confused as to why out of 48 job applications only one came back to me.  And that one was only really a sympathy call back cos I had called to chase my application up (as I did all of them).  I was super frustrated and started feeling that I was pretty worthless.  I was down and I was scared.

 

I needed a breakthrough and I felt like it was never going to come.  Then I got a call from an old friend of mine – her company needed an account manager pronto.  Was I interested?  Boy was I interested!!  I had my interview with the director of the company last week Monday.  Now this is where God’s grace comes in.  Before the interview I prayed and asked God that if this was the job for me, if this was my open door, I asked that I be offered the job straight away.  I asked for an immediate confirmation that this was the right move for me and for my life plan.  My Mom prayed and asked that if it was the job for me that I be offered the job in the interview, and so did my sister.  And you know what?  God answered us all.  I was offered the job straight away during the interview (pending the new account signing their contracts with the company) and the HR lady was called in and told straight away what the offer was and was asked to send the paperwork through as soon as the new account signed with them.

I’ve been waiting not so patiently for my contract and paperwork for just over a week now and it came through this morning.  I’ve signed the papers and handed in my notice.  And I’m SO excited guys; I can’t explain it to you all.  The delay in getting my contract to me has also worked out just right – as mentioned recently I need to have another lap soon and this way I’ll be having my op and recovering from it during my notice period.  I really did not want to start a new job with 4 days off for an op.  This way I can go into my new job good and clean and fresh and with a clear conscience.

 

Its like all things are slowly falling right into place and I just feel that we’re finally on the right side of the rainbow.  And it feels pretty good right about now.

 

Lap # 3 on the Cards

Yesterday afternoon we had a POA appointment with our FS for our next treatment.  Initially this appointment was made cos we were due to kick off IVF #3 in September but we need to delay this and had the POA appointment booked so we thought what the hey, we’ll go anyway put a plan in place and when we’re ready for it we’ll move full steam ahead with it.

Cos our chromosonal and HLA tests came back all clear we’re going to do the following:

Menopur & cetrotide stim, IVF + Intralipids drip,gestone progesterone support, clexane injections and hope and pray that this one is *the* one!

On the downside my body did not play ball this month and I’m on day 42.  Our FS’s concern is that my endo is returning cos my last lap was in March 2008 and my endo was really severe and agressive at that stage.  He did a scan and we’ve picked up what could be an endo issue on my right ovary.  He wants me to get my period and re-scan so we can re-evaluate and decide on whether I need another lap or not.

Cliff and I have been thinking of this a LOT, and we’ve decided that I should have a lap.  I would hate to do a treatment based on an ultrasound diagnosis, have it fail and then go for a lap and find endo.  We would end up kicking ourselves and have wasted a good 40 odd thousand rand.

On the plus side I did have a corpoeous luteum on my left side which means I did manage to ovulate on my own for once!!!!!!!  This is HUGE!  *I told Cliff we should have had sex *

So my dears it seems that lap # 3 is imminent and sometime thereafter fresh IVF # 3.  I’m hoping that if in numerology (have not googled it cos in my mind this is already a *sign* – 3rd lap and 3rd IVF = success!) the number 3 is way cool that this means we’ll finally achieve our dream of having a Clam to add to our family.

Sore, Swollen & Positive…

I got to the hospital at 12h00 yesterday, was given a bed, changed into those delicious hospital gowns and settled in to wait for my turn in the theatre.  The nurses were great but I did have to mention that I thought it was a bit nasty to have the tea & coffee station next to my bed – I had not eaten since 06h00 and by that time my tummy was growling and I was severely craving a cup of tea

I was the last patient of the day, so only got into theatre at 16h30, (wanted to eat my arm by that stage of the day).  Dr V was such a honey, he held my hand until I was out for the count and the anesthetist is my hero – no narness or strange after feelings from the anesthetic.  The laparoscopy and hysteroscopy went well. I am a little sore and swollen today, with a tiny bit of shoulder pain, but am really happy that I am not half as sore as I was with my last lap.

Results of the lap as follows:

My ovaries were stuck to the peritoneal (? think that is what Dr V said was still a bit out of it) wall and Dr V could not release the left one but managed to work the right one free. Apparently this was caused by endometriosis and my last lap… He also had to remove a septum from my usterus.  He basically told me that I have to get pregnant sooner rather than later cos if I don’t my chances reduce dramatically. I had to throw the BCP away (yay) and am now taking estrofem twice a day until 3rd April and then have to team it up with provera from the 4th April till the 08th April, then provera only on the 09th and 10th. We have our follow up appointment with Dr V on the 07th where he wants to go through the operation DVD with us.

So IVF # 1 is on course! I must admit that I am little scared that this is all moving so fast, but am also really positive about the course of action.  I have to believe with all my heart that IVF #1 will work and that I will soon be pregnant with my baby(s). 

So, if any of you pray, please send one up for Cliff and I… it would be much appreciated and I will definitely return the favour!

Time to take a cat nap!