Unveiling the Super Bike!

So!  Here it is – this is what caused such abject misery in Ches Young last week…  Nice huh?

Ok so that was my lame attempt at humour (This is actually the metal bike we bought in Clarens – isn’t it stunning - and we got such a bargain!!!)

This is the real bike – the really expensive one that if I hear one word next year about how expensive IVF will be the catalyst to one said Mr Young finding himself 6 feet under…

And here is the man himself riding into the sunset to get away from his witch of a wife (told you I’d get this action shot – love how the hounds are running after him…heh…)

And this is so his “I’m the winner of this battle” face!

He’s darn lucky I love him so much!!!

Clarens is good for the soul…

Our weekend away at Kiara Resort just outside of Clarens was good for the soul.  Not just because the scenery was spectacular and we relaxed but because I managed to make some serious decisions about life moving forward.

We went away with some friends – two couples who have both got children.  One couple conceived their son shortly after a 6 week miscarriage (both pregnancies were “natural”) and the other couple conceived their daughters during their second IVF treatment.  One would assume that they would be considerate of our situation, but this did not always play out with the one couple.  (I must state for the record that the one couple is always considerate of our situation and are always there for us, the other not so much, they are more focused on their lives and the husband really does not think before he speaks, I wish he would learn that words hurt in ways that he cannot comprehend.)

These children are all super cute… but while they are super cute and I love them dearly my heart gets sore knowing that our children will be much younger than them by the time we manage to get some of our own (they are all one this year) and that essentially our kids will grow up separately to our friends children.  Now I know that we’ll end up making friends with other people who have kids the same age as ours (when we finally manage to get some) but it stung a bit to hear our friends talk about how much of an adjustment it has been to have children, about those sleepless nights, about how sometimes your heart just breaks cos you struggle to soothe them, and so on and so forth.  We of course could not comment on this cos we are not there yet. 

Our friends discussed this at length and told us “We’re not trying to put you off having kids but it really is so hard and SUCH a challenge”.  Being told that “you’re lucky you can’t have any cos you can sleep in tomorrow morning” *really* stung and I felt this rage boil up inside me, it bubbled just under the surface ready to spew it’s venom and acid but I managed to drown it with a few glasses a glass of wine.  But it is still there, simmering inside, eating at my mind, just waiting for it’s chance to boil over and pour out like lava…

It was then that I realised that I need an objective voice inside my head.  I need to talk to someone who is not my family, who is not from my church, who is not a friend.  Someone who can help me release this anger, someone who can help me release this sadness, someone who can help me regroup and someone who can steer me in the right direction towards gluing the tattered pieces of my heart back together.  Someone who can make me believe that my husband should *stay* married to me and not seek someone else who can give him children.  Someone who can help me believe that I *am* a good woman and not a complete failure. 

It was not all doom and gloom while we were away.  We bought some awesome metal decorations for our garden, we indulged in pancakes with ice cream and I realised that my husband sure is a keeper.  He has to be to put up with me. (But don’t tell him I said so…)  We laughed, we ate good food and we bonded with our friends and their children.  Those pixie hugs and pure love for us helped me realise what we will have one day, what we can achieve if we can just find the strength to push on and push through.

Because of this weekend I start therapy this week.

So yes the weekend away was not quite what I thought it would be, but overall Clarens was good for the soul.

Away…

I might be a bit quiet the next few days – cos we leave tomorrow for our little weekend away in Clarens   I cannot wait to have a bit of R&R, hoping to get in some nice long walks and we’ll no doubt be playing around with our new telephoto lens…

Expect an update with pictures when we get back!

Happy weekends to you all

Back from a little piece of Heaven

*Sigh* 

I am back from a stunning, relaxing weekend in a little piece of heaven.  Honestly, Clarens is truly a gorgeous place to go and spend some time.  It is an eclectic town filled with artists, restaurants and knick knacky stores, but the best thing for me was the awesome mountain air and the spectacular scenery. 

We left on Friday morning before sparrows fart and drove to the Free State, well Cliff drove and I slept   Once we hit Bethlehem we had breakfast (nothing beats a Wimpy breakfast on a road trip in South Africa) and then we meandered to Clarens.  On the way we stopped to have a look see at the Lesotho Highlands Water project – wow!  It was amazing to see what these engineers had achieved and boy is the tunnel huge!

 

Arriving in Clarens was a treat, it is this tiny dorpie and our guest house was bliss – we stayed in a room called “Romance” and it was just lovely.  The little touches here and there really made it superb and of course haviing our own private lounge and fireplace didn’t hurt either.  The gardens are beautiful too, I can only imagine how stunning they must be in summer.

 

We ate ourselves to death at stunning coffee shops, restaurants and farm stalls, walked a lot and rested a lot.  One thing that I loved about Clarens was that everyone’s dogs ran wild.  They were all over the place and were SO friendly.  I made friends with the brute at the guest house and he just loved us for the whole weekend.

One has to be really careful of the ducks in Clarens (apparently) cos there are signs all over the place indicating that you need to drive slow, the funny thing was that we never saw one duck.  Not one?  Clearly  those other useless tourists did not heed the warning signs… or perhaps it was too cold for the ducks to come out and play?

When I drove past this house, all I could think was, guess who got the house in the settlement?? 

We had such a stunning time, we’ll definitly be going back in the future – hopefully sooner rather than later.  In fact I could live in Clarens, I really could.

Mission “Possible Symptom Obsess”

*blush* Ok, so I have been a bad, naughty girl and I need to be spanked…

I promised myself that I was not going to “possible symptom obsess” but I just cannot seem to help myself.  I don’t even know if it is physically or mentally possible to not “possible symptom obsess” during the dreaded 2ww but it seems that I sure as hell am not immune to the obsession… *sigh*

I am only 4DP3DT and I am already the super sleuth on the possible symptom watch… possible symptoms include:

• Very weird aching ovaries and uterus – this comes and goes, but when it hits I am like “ok, I have ovaries and a uterus”.  Sometimes it even feels like someone is sticking a red hot poker right in my poor vajayjay – thankfully these pains only last a few seconds…  I probably have always had these weird aching feelings but am now super aware of every twinge so am only noticing them now right?
• Boobs that have “come and go” sensitivity – when I wake up in the morning they are fine, but as the day progresses my nipples become increasingly sensitive, and my benign lump in my right breast becomes increasingly sore to the touch (and yes I know that squeezing and touching them will end up making them hurt but I.cannot.help.myself!). *hums “I touch myself”* Erm, logically I know that this symptom is a result of the progesterone but that nasty little worm in my head keeps saying “what if?”
• Bloated tummy!  Right, so I never had that whole flat iron board tummy thing going down, I have always had a little “pooch” right above my panty line (which apparently is sexy?  who knew?) but this is just too much of a “pooch” for my liking… If I don’t pull my tummy in, it is like I have an actual baby in there – really it is scary, mostly because when I see my tummy like this, I can imagine myself pregnant and until I know that I am, I cannot torment myself with those thoughts. Well maybe just a little?
• I am HOT – and I don’t mean in the gorgeous and divine way (although I am that too ) I mean in the my temperature is increased way.  Again, logically I know that this is caused by the progesterone but I think that one could probably fry and egg on my poochy bloaty tummy it is that hot…
• HUGE chorb on my jawline!!!  It appeared out of NOWHERE!  Yesterday I had perfect skin, today I have this huge chorb on my jawline… AND is it not true that chorbs on your jawline are caused by raging hormones in your body???
• What is it with the ”pressure on the abdomen = really uncomfortable?” thing?  When I lie down and push on my abdomen (yes I KNOW I should not be doing this) it is really uncomfortable – like my uterus is expanding to make room for a baby or two?  Reaching?  Yes, sorry I am a pathetic fool.
• The constipation!  Ooi, not pretty, that is all I am going to say (yep, yet another thing I logically know I have progresterone to thank for)

Thank heavens we are packing up and going away to Clarens for the weekend.  I am going to keep myself SO busy with art galleries, Golden Gate, and the fireplace in our room at the guest house we are staying at, that I cannot possibly concentrate on mission “possible symptom obsess”.  Yeah right