T -3 Days and cautiously still counting…

“Cautiously” still counting cos this morning when inserting my morning dose of cyclogest I noticed some teeny brown flecks in my cervical mucous… *sigh* 

Naturally this freaked me out BIG time and I am now the most obsessive compulsive panty checker you have *ever* come across and have to physically stop myself from doing a cervical mucous check EVERY time I go to the bloody (no pun intended) loo…  I cannot classify the little brown flecks as spotting really but they have completley ruined my up to now rose tinted view of this FET…  Having just gone to the loo about 2 nano seconds ago, I can say that I have not seen anymore brown flecks but this is probably because I forced myself to not do any unecessary erm, digging around in there…

I called my Mom on the way to work this morning and had a good drizz and lamented about how unfair the whole thing is, and moaned about the fact that drug addicts and alcoholics get to fall pregnant and get to experience the miracle of life but that stable loving people like Cliff and I can’t seem to get it right… She (I love my Mom she is the BEST) reminded me that it is not for me to judge why others get their miracles and told me to remember that I am in a blood covenant with God and that blood is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact the blood that washed me is a GREAT thing.  It calmed me down and now I am only mildly terrified that this could be all over. Again.

I have had lower back pain the whole week and some might think that is a good sign, but I am not counting any chickens just yet – in fact the only thing I am counting right now are the minutes of each hour till I can get the blood draw over and done with and know one way or the other if this *is* going to be the summer of my season. 

I’m praying with every fibre of my being that it will be.

13 thoughts on “T -3 Days and cautiously still counting…

  1. Sam, I don’t have anything to add after our long MSN disection earlier. I just wanted you to know that its ok to slowly loose your mind during the 2ww, we all do it, but we’re all here to support you and help you through it.
    I’m still hopeful………

  2. O Sammie,
    You ring so true…. my horrible confession! 4 days to test day I also started um……. digging around, checking changes. Preparing for the worst, hoping for the best, wanting to cry at every change.

    I second Sharon, it’s okay to loose your mind.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  3. Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry that you are scared and honestly I can’t blame you, I’d be scared too! I hate any sign of blood, be it red or brown aswell but we do need to remind ourselves that blood can be good too. It’s also good that there isn’t anymore …

    I’m still hoping and praying that this is the “summer of your season” my sweet friend, you so deserve this miracle!

    Big hugs xxx

  4. Aagh Sam – the 2ww is the worst thing possible and I think we all slowly loose our minds during that time. Its ok to have a good drizz too………Take care and thinking of you and holding thumbs that Friday will be the best day ever!! Love Mich

  5. Cursed brown flecks! (ok, ok your mom is right about the blood covenant and it being good and all it just makes me feel better to say cursed!) I will be praying that it is only implantation spotting and that this si your season and that Friday will be one of the best days of your life thus far.

  6. Oh Sam!! {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} Holding thumbs, sending prayers!! Everything!! Thinking of you!! It’s two more sleeps I just pray you don’t go insane before then!!!

  7. For what it’s worth…I have NEVER felt more like I was about to get my period than the first time I didn’t for nine or so months (yes, I know it’s really ten but I pop ‘em out early). I had the low-back ache, the cramping, the bloating, that “heavy” sensation you get in the general vicinity…thats why I wasn’t worried when I was a few days late (don’t throw anything–we’d only been married three months and I was on The Pill, plus I also thought I was infertile from endometriosis after a doctor told me at the age of sixteen that I would probably need IVF to get pregnant)(also, for the record, I was not sixteen when I got PREGNANT–that wording looks a little funny, so just to be clear I was twenty-one which isn’t much better, but STILL). My husband freaked out and bought a pregnancy test, and I took it thinking I’d laugh at him and get my period any second. I was sooooo wrong…also, my second and third pregnancies I spotted RED…with the second one it went on for TWO MONTHS and I about lost my mind. Both of those pregnancies ended in take-home babies. It could be implantation bleeding, or you could be one of those lucky women who gets to spot once, twice, or for TWO MONTHS in early pregnancy. Blood does not necessarily mean the end. At the peak of the (BRIGHT RED) spotting with #2 I actually had to wear a pad and I thought “this is the end.” That child has ALWAYS been a troublemaker! Unless you start bleeding like a real period, or pass any clots, or have any abnormal pain, I don’t think you can rule anything in OR out by a few brownish flecks. I’m hopeful that the frosties are in there doing their thing and you’ll get to laugh over this in a few years :)

  8. Aaaaaaah Sam,

    How horrible horrible is the 2ww. My heart is in my mouth, along with you I know.

    Praying the little flecks stay as just that, and no more.

    Looking out for you xxx

  9. Hey Sam

    Was going to send you a mail today to wish you good luck for tmrw. But hey any time is as good as now! GOODLUCK! Hang in there. Tomrrow is the day! It is not over. Just leave it in God’s hands. Let Him decide if it is over. My friend once said that we always take charge of this and it is not up to us. Try and breath and let God take over. I know the 2 WW is so bad, for me that I am actually a different person all togetherin that 2ww. I am so scared to go to the loo just incase there is blood. I analyze ever ache and pain. I could handle injections but the 2ww…Sigh! Hey we are praying for you and I wish you well!!Goodluck!! Will be thinking of you and praying for you!!

    Love
    T

  10. Hey Sam

    Thinking of you and praying you feel Gods comfort and peace over your life as you wait to find out the results

    Big hugs
    xxx

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